I was wondering if anyone else experiences this? My brain tells me that if I get a partner I’ll have to tell them everything that I’ve ever obsessed about (intrusive thoughts, past events, etc.) or else I’m lying to them and that makes me a terrible person. And logically I know that I don’t need to do that and that it’s a compulsion for me, but I have such a hard time getting over the hurdle.
I was in addiction recovery and have a succinct document (my Step 1 Story) with all my horrible flaws. Often I think that should be my dating profile, just so people know what they're getting into. But others tell me no - there are boundaries and it's okay to have private thoughts and sacred spaces. I totally relate to the feeling of presenting a false front - any time I'm taking an action that's counter to my compulsions or intrusive thoughts, I'm technically not acting 'authentically,' and hiding my true self. However, if I am acting according to my values, and not according to my OCD, that could be considered 'authentic.' I think a new partner should know that I struggled with compulsions and addictions, that I have OCD and intrusive thoughts, and that they bring me a lot of shame. The exact nature of them can be a matter of discussion between them an myself. We can play it by ear and decide what needs to be on the table and what does not. But I totally relate, it's a tough call to make.
@KePa77 It’s so hard too because for me confessing is a compulsion so it can make it worse. So it’s almost like I need to open up about the themes but not the specifics. I think my biggest fear is that I’ll be rejected and shown that I’m not worthy of love and that the thoughts were always right
this happens to me so much you aren’t alone
@tedlassoenjoyer! Do you have any advice for how to get through it?
yess
I thought I was the only one who felt this way! I often feel like I want to confess every bad thing I’ve ever done or it means I’m a liar.
@SinkingCloud I didn’t realise it was its own subtype until I was in therapy and I realised that it was a compulsion. So even if I did confess everything it would only offer me temporary relief and it’ll get worse. But it’s so hard to get over that hurdle
@mjabel25 It eats me up inside. But I think that, everyone deserves to keep boundaries with things. Some things are better kept to yourself. I like to compare myself to other people, if i don’t know all of the aspects of their lives, why would they need to know mine?
@SinkingCloud Very true. And logically why would we tell people in detail about our lives when I was a teenager when I can barely even remember it tbh
I didn’t realize this was OCD until December of 2024. I just thought I had a really guilty conscience and it gave me horrible imposter syndrome and affected my mental health a lot. You’re not the only one and you don’t have to share everything with everyone! I promise it’s not secret keeping, it’s not dishonesty, and it doesn’t make you a terrible person! You’re allowed to have things that are just YOURS. Objects, money, thoughts. As long as you’re not hurting anyone or yourself, not telling your partner every little thought and compulsion you have is perfectly fine :)
@Anonymous Thank you so much for the comment it’s been really helpful. I think it’s hard for our brains to accept that we don’t need to spill our whole life story to someone to be honest (especially thoughts I had over 10 years ago) it’s such a huge monkey on my back though that I can’t seem to shake
Yes, even when it's honest to a fault. I was playing a card game one time and i was the only one who noticed something happened and i went back and told the truth even though it made me lose, and it messed up someone else, and if i had just went with it we both would've won the round. but i couldn't help it because i knew it was true and i had to say something. everyone was like why did you just set the both of you??? i literally could not help it.
Be careful with this, this is the thing that LITERALLY GAVE ME OCD. Like there was a before and after. I knew when it switched to OCD. I didn't know at the time that it was "OCD" but I knew something weird was happening to my brain. And it all started from "confessing" every little thing to my wife, i.e. "5 years ago I might have glanced at a woman." Stupid crap like that. But it turned into this NEED to confess EVERYTHING and then ruminate if something "needed to be confessed" etc etc. So this makes me think that at the end of the day, OCD is a mental habit. Like an addict addicted to the relief of compulsions.
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