Constant anxiety

My stomach just hurts from the constant anxiety. I had like 30 seconds where I wasn’t feeling it when I woke up this morning but then it all just crushes me. I know I’m supposed to just “ride the wave” when I get the thoughts, but it doesn’t feel like a wave. It’s just a constant stream. Sometimes it feels like I’m not even having intrusive thoughts anymore but it’s just a constant shout of “you’re a bad person” so the anxiety kicks in. I don’t want this to be my life forever but it’s starting to feel like it will be

charlieb26

Date posted: 20h

Just know that you are not alone , I feel this too x

mjabel25

Date posted: 20h

@Anonymous I don’t want to feel like this anymore, it’s just all consuming and I don’t see it getting any better

Becca1996

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

Hi mjabel, I experienced this a few years ago! I remember my biggest fear was “this is going to be my life forever, I might not ever get better.” The rumination and anxiety felt constant and exhausting! What helped me get better in time was “maybe, maybe not” and continuing to engage in life as I “normally would” even when my thoughts were trying to driving off train tracks. I know your brain is probably crying out for instant relief and assurance that this will pass, but in my experience the best way to actually get through it is to “sit in the discomfort” and not give into compulsions!

mjabel25

Date posted: 18h

@Becca1996 This has been going on since Monday and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. I just want to stop feeling like I’m going to be sick or about to burst into tears

mjabel25

Date posted: 18h

@Becca1996 Did you find that thinking you’ll be like this forever because an intrusive thought as well? Like that seems to be the main thing my brain is fixated on. Should I say “maybe, maybe not” to the idea that I’ll be like this forever?

Becca1996

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

@mjabel25 Yes I experienced that very fear! What you are describing is what many people with OCD experience as a core fear. When I started to worry, “I’ll never get better! I’ll always be like this!” I responded with “maybe, maybe not” and in time I completely recovered!

mjabel25

Date posted: 18h

@Becca1996 Thank you. I just don’t know how to get through this initial daily anxiety. I just feel so horrible and scared and sick. And no amount of distraction will make it go away. I was out to dinner with my family last night and I felt like out of body almost

charlieb26

Date posted: 17h

I feel this as well. It gets to the point where I don't even know what's real or not anymore :( I've got my first therapy session with NOCD on Monday and I'm really hoping to overcome it soon

mjabel25

Date posted: 17h

@Anonymous Same; not knowing what’s real or not. It just feels like this is going to be my life now and nothing will ever get better. I just want to curl into a ball

Becca1996

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

Out of body experiences are common when your OCD is symptoms are intense! Even though they are extremely uncomfortable, it’s helpful to remember that you can handle the discomfort even though you don’t want to be experiencing it!

mjabel25

Date posted: 17h

@Becca1996 I think it’s also because this is the first time I’m truly not engaging with the thoughts and just saying “maybe, maybe not.” I’m realising the other times I’ve just reasoned out of the thoughts and just prolonged them. This time I’m actually doing what I’m supposed to do so it’s fighting like crazy

Becca1996

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

@mjabel25 I went through this exact thing. I’m proud of you for practicing the “response prevention” part of ERP. It is difficult yet important work, and your future self will be so grateful! You may be tempted to quit and feel like “it’s not working or it’s not working fast enough” but it will make a big difference as you practice consistently! Keep going! ❤️

mjabel25

Date posted: 17h

@Becca1996 I’ve definitely felt myself just being like I’ll just do a compulsion to get rid of this anxiety. But then I’m ok do a backdoor compulsion where I tell myself “It’s not true, you know you didn’t do that.” But that also is just avoiding and making it worse. I just hate the bit of never getting the right answer. But my ocd will never be satisfied with any answer

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