Tough work situation

So I’ve been working this graphic design job for two years. I’m a corporate worker for an intense, high-achieving company. I also moved to this area for a previous job, so the only reason I’m still here is for this job. None of my family lives here but I’ve built a community here. The entire time, the job has grated on my nervous system. It’s eroded my confidence and wrecked my self-esteem. Every weekend I just stress about the next week of work. It’s been pretty miserable most of the time. My family and friends are tired of hearing about it. My OCD cannot rest until I do well at this job. The standards are incredibly high but I was determined to get the hang of it and make it work out. This job was my dream and my goal. It just had to work, I tied a lot of my identity to the job. I’ve had this job for two years, I’ve given everything and more to it because I was so afraid of getting fired (I got fired from an internship right out of school which traumatized me). And now I’ve gotten a performance warning that if my performance doesn’t improve in certain ways within a certain amount of time HR will get involved. Everything in the performance warning is stuff I’ve been working and improving for the most part but stuff that doesn’t come naturally to me…or at least not in this environment (this isn’t stuff like being late or lazy, they acknowledged my effort and determination. It’s just stuff I’ve struggled with the entire time I’ve worked here and even before that). The performance warning hit on some themes that have come up in previous workplaces/settings and caused issues (re-assurance seeking, lack of autonomy, navigating ambiguity) which I feel are OCD themes that bleed into my personal life as well. There was some other outlying stuff that was more skills related or things that I feel like I could get better at with time, maybe just things I’m behind at in my skillset? Not sure. When I have looked up people online that have been in similar situations they usually seem to think the performance warning or firing was completely unfair and unwarranted. In this case, I think it’s pretty fair honestly. Like I know these are issues and I’ve been really trying to work on them but I’m struggling. I feel really sad and embarrassed that I’ve worked so hard and I’m not only not doing amazing I’m actually not doing good period. My manager is a really good person and they’ve been very kind the whole time and I trust their judgment, I’m really not a victim in this situation at all. Like I’m fully aware that I am the problem here (aside from some things about the workplace that just don’t jive with me and that’s fine…so I feel like my issues may be 60-70% the problem and the workplace itself presents the rest of the problem for me and how I work). This performance warning + feedback made me feel like every fear and insecurity I’ve ever had at this job is real. It makes me feel like I should have been listening to my fear all along. I think I just suck an I should quit this entire career path maybe. I’ve been praying and praying about it and every time I pray I feel like everything will the out fine but I’m getting no direction. Does this mean this career field is wrong for me? Was this caused by my ocd/mindset (I think min about 50% probably was lol)? Should I stick with this career path? Should I go back to school? Do I move close to family or stay where I’m at? Here’s my income going to come from as I’m figuring stuff out? My mind cannot stop spinning since I got the performance warning. It just keeps replaying parts of it in my head (this happened when I got in a car accident as a teenager, scenes just replayed in my head). Pros: - paid to be creative - easy to wfh/freelance - would be a good job as a mom - improving divine artistic/creative skills - looks fun to others - conquering/overcoming critique anxiety -would be so awesome to be really good at it some day Cons: - ai taking over the industry - people seeing my art and critiquing it causes me intense anxiety - hate being on a screen all day - both good at detail-oriented work and bad at it - creative burnout is terrible - industry is too worldly/aesthetics based - very subjective - causes me a ton of anxiety to attached my work to my creativity - if I’m not doing well at this company and have struggled with these same themes the entire time I’ve been in the field…maybe this is a sign - not a great track record and being told I’m behind - I’m not very fast with it - at this point I don’t really enjoy it anymore… If I leave the industry…I’m afraid that these issues will follow me. If I didn’t get this performance warning I probably wouldn’t be thinking of leaving the field…but also…deep down I’m not sure if fulfills me. I’m currently unmedicated because my parents are super against medication and every time I visit them they tell me to get off it. I am going to therapy whenever my therapist has openings.