Update on constant anxiety

Last night I posted about how my anxiety is so constant and I’m scared I’ll be like this forever. Really been doing my ERP work of sitting in the uncertainty, but my God it’s still hell. I’ve had one sobbing spell while sitting with the uncertainty and it did dip down a little afterwards. But the constant anxiety and wanting to cry is what’s getting me. It just doesn’t let up and I’ve barely been able to eat, and get sick from how intense it is.

RayMoe

Date posted: 18h

I haven't started ERP yet but I hope you stick with it! I watched a video yesterday about a woman who went through ERP. She said it sucked but she rather put herself through the pain of ERP and really go all in. Then continue to put herself through the pain of OCD. At least ERP will lead to a healthier you. So it sounds like you're on the right track. I hope it gets easier soon!

mjabel25

Date posted: 18h

@RayMoe Thank you. It’s just such an absolute nightmare right now because every second is just filled with this super painful, gut twisting anxiety that never lets up no matter what I do. And I’ve heard that that’s what happens when you do ERP but I wish I could jump to the part where I feel better. And I’m scared that I’ll never feel better

RayMoe

Date posted: 18h

@mjabel25 In another support group I am in someone who has recovered from OCD stated that OCD makes you feel like you can't live unless you can eliminate all doubts and gain a peace of mind. But this is simply untrue. So it makes sense OCD is throwing a fit as you do ERP. I feel the exact same way you do but I'm not in treatment yet. Every waking moment is anxiety and depression. Constant overthinking and feeling like I'll never recover from this. So, I kinda wish I was where you are. At least I'll be getting help haha. You are in the right place and I have faith in you! Feels like this is part of the process.

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

I can commiserate. I haven’t started officially with a therapist (next week) but I tried to sit with the anxiety and stop checking yesterday for the first time. Absolute worst I’ve ever felt mentally in my life. I told my partner I was having a breakdown. Today I feel better, but only because my specific triggers (I have health concern ocd) are absent. I know there’s an uphill battle ahead. I believe this therapy works, though. I’m not a therapist but I’ve worked in behavioral neuroscience and I know our brains are trainable. You can do this. Your brain is learning a new pattern of existence, and that isn’t easy.

mjabel25

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous Thank you. The anxiety isn’t as strong, but it’s just it constantly being there that is so painful. It’s like my brain thinks everything around me is a trigger and it just keeps shooting off thoughts at me

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

It’s a good sign that the anxiety feels less. Even incremental reductions mean something is changing in terms of how your brain and body are reacting. Is there anything that distracts you? I got the suggestion to plank or push against a wall for 30 seconds to reset cortisol and adrenaline and it worked a bit. If you’re into phone games there are some really immersive and relaxing ones, like monument valley.

mjabel25

Date posted: 16h

@Anonymous Reading or crocheting helps my mind off some of the anxiety. It’s just so hard because while the anxiety isn’t as harsh, it’s still always present. And I still can’t stop crying at the drop of a hat (just cried in front of my Dad for about 45 minutes at a coffee shop) and I’m still avoiding my compulsions. It just feels like it’s always going to be like this. This persistent anxiety at the back of my mind, whispering that I need to check “something” to prove I’m not a terrible person

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