Is this OCD or am I actually a bad person? 21+only

Adults only Adults only I can't tell if this is just OCD making this more guilt and shame inducing than it actually is but I feel horrible about it nonetheless. Something that I've used to do is watch pornography of real people outside of the industry as in celebrities through photoshops and fakes as a teenager. My compulsive use of porn has only been getting worse I think, even if I can spend some days not watching it like I am now. The biggest difference with back then and now is that there wasn't any ai generated content of things like this, which I'm glad there wasn't. During my latest relapses I've watched those same things again, only this time ai was included. Animations, drawings, and Photoshops of celebrities and other people were things I found and I feel really disgusting about this. I think it also really messed me up mentally because I think about it and feel like a evil person. All I ever feel is that porn has made me a very bad person. I've watched very taboo things that are definitely not okay in reality and it really bothers me a lot. I can't seem to let go of this. I've brought it up to my therapist and I feel like they think I'm a sick disturbing person as well. This is just something I can't let go of: the fact that I objectified real people just for personal gain and fantasy use. The fact that this stuff is just online where anyone can see it really makes me sick. I never made anything out of this, only seen things. It just leaves me feeling really disgusting about everything. I pretty much hate pornography and I don't think it has any place in my life. Nor would I want it to.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

You are not alone. There are a lot of people out there who are addicted to pornography. They hate it, but it's an addiction, just like other addictions to substances. God is the only answer. You are worthy of forgiveness and being loved!!! We are all human beings, and we all do things that are wrong.

Lufia

Date posted: Yesterday

Yes, this is OCD, and the fact that you wonder if you are a bad person for it is the giveaway. I would caution you against being so vehemently against porn, however, even if it seems like the correct way to be. Everyone believes different things, but I think sex can be a very beautiful thing, and cherishing our bodies is important; the perspective you take on the body, however, might need to be changed so that it isn't quite so distressing to you. Sometimes, we look at things we regret, even if we are curious, even if we know that it is bad. This does not make you irredeemable. You can work through this with a therapist to reclaim your power from the compulsion these images give you. It may seem hard now, but that's because you haven't started down the path to healing yet, and I can promise you that healing will come if you let it.

zogeez

Date posted: Yesterday

I had the same issue where I was watching porn everyday, when I was a teenager I watched some things I don’t agree with at all today, I think when ur exposed to porn the shock value of it gets Lower and lower so you reach out for more taboo things just to scratch an itch or something yk, not that you would ever want that but just to get your fix im guessing, I have quit all together because I realized I never want to be that person ever again who watches those things because the morals I have now don’t align with that. It’s a struggle but I’m 20 days porn free (I mostly just watched whatever on pornhub 20 days ago none of the stuff I used to watch as a teenager) but anyways not a big achievement but I’m proud because I couldn’t go a single day without consuming something, you are so capable of love and you are a good person, I promise. Our GOD is so amazing that you know what he already forgave you before you even forgave yourself, he loves you and knows what’s in your heart so if you want speak to him and he will be there, I don’t know if your religious but God can change your life if you allow him, I’m still working on my relationship so I cant say I know all of this and that but I’m trying I say start small and when you feel the urge to maybe journal or do something you love to distract you or even pray for God to take those urges away :) sorry I’m rambling but your not alone we are all worthy of forgiveness and redemption

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