How can I do anything for myself if I'm convinced I'm an evil awful person. I've stopped exercising (because I feel I dont deserve it) or washing my face or anything. I spend the whole day waiting to be asleep.

Sorry one last thing- so the whole belief system behind feeling that I'm evil is to do with a false memory what should I do about that?

@Daffodil I’d treat the false memory like any other intrusive OCD thought. Allow it to be there, even if it’s uncomfortable. But don’t ruminate on it. Be and live the way you want and don’t let it change your behavior.

@billy I've already ruminated on it for two weeks and got severely depressed and unwell but I'll try. Thank you for being so kind and taking the time to help me.

I'm sorry you do

@Daffodil Same to you. How long have been feeling like this?

@guiltyocd About two weeks but I've had episodes like this on and off for years. How about you?

@Daffodil I have had episode since about three months. The are periods during which I don’t feel as miserable, but I mostly feel terrible all the time.i used to enjoy cooking, but is has now become a burden. The worst thing is that there was a time I did not have these tjoughts etc. I have not been officially diagnosed yet.. waiting list

@guiltyocd I feel you, I missed an entire year of school waiting to be diagnosed on a waiting list. I completely understand the cooking thing- when i was living alone it felt too overwhelming so I just went without (do not recommend get a ready meal or a ready made sandwich is better than not eating) Just know when you get treatment things will improve. Ofc I say this being unwell and not believing I'll get better but that's the nature of the disorder I guess

What's crazy is I know that you guys are nice and kind people who are struggling with OCD but I cant say the same for myself

@Daffodil I am nice and kind????? Have you seen how the people on here respond to me? They hate me and most of them think I'm a pedophile in disguise. Just my luck.

@Daffodil It’s always different when it about yourself, we are all unforgiving when it comes to that for some reason

@guiltyocd I don't understand how people live with this. No matter how hard I try, there is always something to send me back 500 miles

@Vimli I always think of the quote 'when you're going through hell just keep going' with regards to my OCD. Going through a relapse is like an endurance marathon, I always look back at my relapses and I have no idea how I coped but I did.

@guiltyocd True

@Vimli Theres lots of research in the effectiveness of CBT/ERP in the treatment of OCD- you will get better. This OCD monster that feels like a huge presence in your life will get smaller. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much I am- things will improve

@Daffodil I feel like even if I get cured of it. All the regrets that came from it will forever haunt me and never leave me. And I'm gonna get exposed for it. And nobody will understand. And I'll die a tragedy like I was meant to.

@Vimli I hope all of us can be helped.. I get the guilt part.. I’ve done things I really regret and won’t ever forgive myself for...