So I’ve recently changed my medication and for now it’s seemed to have quieted my urges to ruminate and check old events and stuff. But now my brain tells me that not thinking about these things makes me a bad person and that I’m accepting horrible things that I’ve done.
Kind of sounds like a back door spike, I’ve suffered with this. When you are no longer troubled by what OCD throws at you as much as before, it can be very sneaky and find another way in.
@lucyjade1998 Right! And it tries to tell me if I don’t think about this specific thing one more time someday someone will find out what a terrible person I am so I need to think about it. But obviously if I give in then it’s not just once more.
@mjabel25 I’ve also had this before, the fear of someone finding out or someone being able to read my mind
i feel the same way. if i forget then im suddenly okay with what is happening/ what has happened and that makes me bad. but thats just OCD trying to reel you back in now that you are accepting yourself and finding ways to live with what you are going through
@Anonymous Yeah it’s like logically I know that, but it so convincing that something bad will happen in the future if I don’t keep the rumination up. Like everyone will see me for the horrible person I am one day if I don’t just do one more
@mjabel25 yeah, it’s terrible. just remember that if you are feeling bad about stuff you haven’t even done, you aren’t a bad person. most people who do terrible things don’t feel bad about it. if you can say “i accept these thoughts are my OCD, and not who i truly am,” then it will get easier each day. you got this
@Anonymous Yeah it’s hard with real event ocd because it’s trying to say something I did was horrible even though it wasn’t so it’s like my brain is always like “Oh someone will think you did something horrible in this past event”
It's just OCD, trying to keep you on its treadmill.
@Steven55! How do I get through it? Do I just keep sitting in the uncertainty and then pray that one day I don’t feel like this
@mjabel25 I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I genuinely struggled for years with the belief that stopping ruminating made me bad or dangerous, or did it? That tug-of-war was my default. Disclaimer: books were also part of my OCD, so I understand if a book recommendation isn’t helpful. If that isn’t the case, have you heard of the book Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff? It helped me begin to be less affected by the same anxiety/thought loops you’re talking about. Which was so hard & isolating for me. Ideas, stories, and skills she writes about helped me speak to myself more kindly about how convincing those thoughts felt and some skills to self soothe (without obsessing) Also, The Happiness Trap, a book on ACT principles, taught me the importance of committing to personal values. Through reading both, I was able to make self-compassion one of my values. That may not work for everyone, but it was a game changer for me.
Yep, that's exactly what you do. It will dissipate.
@Steven55! Thank you for the help. It’s just so hard when your brain tells you that everyone will see that you’re a terrible person (even though I haven’t done anything wrong) but I trying to hang on
It's just OCD, nothing more.
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