OCD came back. Nothing bad, but just embarrassing.

I wish I was normal. I wish I didn’t feel the need to hold my breath and close my eyes when I see a child in fear of being attracted to them. I wish I didn’t feel like an assaulter every time I’m intimate with my partner. I wish I didn’t feel like I’m secretly an awful person and hiding something extremely big even though I don’t know what, either that or it’s very minuscule. It is nowhere near as bad as before, at least I don’t vomit or cry or lay all day exhausted. But I’m exhausted in general. I’m not normal, none of this is normal and it’s embarrassing. I know OCD is a very common anxiety disorder but I still feel like the thoughts I have are true. If I think them, it must be true about myself right? And the things I do to “prevent” or gain reassurance makes me feel like I’m just this weirdo that nobody will understand. I feel like a gross and useless monster all the time, and if I feel it all the time, it must be true.