Insanely specific

This is a really specific theme I’ve been struggling with lately and I’m not sure if anyone else could relate. My biggest dream someday is to be a mom, and my OCD has latched onto that. I’m terrified of messing up my future children. I’m scared they will grow up to resent me or that I will hurt them without trying to, or that my OCD will traumatize them (I’m trying to get it under control before we even bring them into the world) My fiancé and I know we have infertility issues (male factor) and we know we will definitely have to have babies in another way other than the conventional one. My scrupulousity says it’s sinful to still want to have babies with him even though we can’t do it the way “God intended”. And I know the methods we will have to use are considered sinful to other Christian’s but they’ve never had to deal with this kind of thing. The real grief of infertility and OCD have sort of tangled together and it’s been extremely hard. I’m scared my future children will hate me and my fiancé because of the way we have to have them. I also ruminate on future conversations I will have to have with them about their origin, rehearsing in my head over and over what I would say and how they might react/feel about it. Has any other young woman here dealt with this? And if so how did you deal with the thoughts and fears? I would really appreciate some gentle reassurance here (obviously not to feed the theme but about handling the theme). Thanks guys ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 21h

Fellow Christian- I think I just commented on your other post too. I think God plays a huge role in IVF and the miracle of life. You would be overcoming the hurt of infertility to have God’s greatest blessing brought to you ❤️ God has given us modern medicine (or rather the tools to create it) and you would definitely be using it for good!!! This is a really good article: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/ivf-morally-right/ Im actually pregnant right now and I had the same thoughts of ruminating on future conversations (of any topic) and how I will deal with issues and I use ERP to get a handle on it, for example, saying over and over “yup my kids will hate me and they won’t understand me” “my kids will have different values than me and hate me and I won’t be able to relate to them” after a few mins the thoughts go away!

Amy06

Date posted: 21h

@Anonymous Thank you so much for your comment!! I’ll definitely check out that article!! It helps to see opinions that aren’t “if you do this it’s wrong and you’re going to hell” because that’s a lot of what I’ve heard. It makes me feel so much better to know other moms have the same thoughts about being scared of hurting their kids and I’m not alone. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!! What an amazing blessing from God! This was such a helpful comment ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@Amy06 Yes and you’ll always ruminate on the negative comments too! Good luck with your fertility journey ❤️

Katie 🦋

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21h

Hi! I’m a mom to 2 beautiful little girls. I resonate with this post so much. Every day I fear I am going to traumatize them in one way or another, whether that’s through OCD specifically or some other way. Something I try to tell myself is that if I’m conscious of it and doing my best, I’m already steps ahead. One of my favorite things my therapist used to say was “possible doesn’t equal probable.” Is it possible we could traumatize them? Yes. Does that make it probable? Not necessarily. Also, I am a Christian too and I think there is a lot of nuance to what you’re saying but at the end of the day, God knows our hearts. I think God shows his power through science. God creates life, if he wants you to be a mother and that’s through IVF, IUI or any other way, it’s his will that will be done. Being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s also the scariest and hardest thing I’ve ever done. But, bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway. Be brave. 🩷

Amy06

Date posted: 21h

@Katie 🦋 Thank you so much for your comment. This helped me more than words can say. I’ve always felt like God put me here to be a mother, it’s all I’ve wanted since I was a little girl. So I know no matter what He will always make sure our purposes are fulfilled. I have a hard time remembering that God knows our hearts and I agree God shows His power and love for us through science!! For what it’s worth you sound like an amazing loving mother and I hope your girls are doing good! Thank you so much again this is the sweetest comment I could have expected ❤️🫂

Katie 🦋

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

@Amy06 You’re too sweet, thank you so much🥹 keep your head up and keep telling thoughts to kick rocks! You’ve got this

Moniggv

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m sorry about your situation, I’m not a mom but I think you should continue to pray don’t give up on prayer. I would encourage you to seek some spiritual guidance on IVF. Have you considered adopting?

Amy06

Date posted: 23h

@Moniggv We have considered adoption and as of right now we don’t think it’s right for us but we’re open to it if that’s what God has planned for us. It’s been very very difficult because each option has its downsides 😔 I’m worried about seeking spiritual guidance because I’m scared who I ask may just agree with the theme. But maybe it would be good practice handling the anxiety if they did? I’m not sure I just don’t want to make it worse than it already is.

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