Is this an anti-therapy take? (Long read)

I will concede that many, if not most, therapists want what they believe is best for their patients. They might not even realize that they are doing what I’m about to say, or that they are being defensive when called out on it. With that said, I think much of therapy is gaslighting. At least, that has been my personal experience. For example, when it comes to family issues, I’ve noticed therapists can have the tendency to prioritize keeping families together even when they are abusive or toxic, which can involve gaslighting the adult children (can also be elderly parents, I guess). My parents are very religious while I am not, which has caused friction in the past. I remember telling my therapist over a couple years ago that I am an adult and am financially independent and my parents making demands of me concerning religion and other facets of my personal life doesn’t make sense, and she said I was being totalitarian and that I should take my parents to my office which would prove to them I’m an adult. Keep in mind I was almost 24 at the time, had a full time, professional job and lived several states away from them (they just happened to be visiting). You might be thinking, if I’m so independent, then why does my parents trying to pressure me bother me? I told my current therapist last year that it’s like someone constantly throwing rocks through your window. You can withstand it and could easily replace your window, but you shouldn’t have to. She said that my parents could just as easily argue that I am throwing rocks through their window by not being religious. This is…really dumb. I’m sorry. I know that therapists are supposed to challenge us, but I hope you can see why this is a false equivalence. Pressuring someone to be religious is not the same as someone just existing as a religious person. One is a violation of the person’s boundaries, especially if they made it clear they don’t want that. The other is just existing while not believing in something. I later messaged her about this and instead of apologizing or admitting she was wrong, she told me, among other excuses, that I should’ve said it during our session, a common refrain she has used to this day. This leads me to another issue I have encountered in therapy: any criticism or complaint you might have, no matter how valid, means that something is wrong with you. If you think what your therapist said doesn’t hold under scrutiny, then you are ruminating. If you want your therapist to refrain from something you don’t think is helping you, then that’s resistance. I told my therapist about all the negative experiences I had with her and other NOCD therapists including but not limited to forgetting referrals, lack of accountability and accusing me of rumination whenever I raise a criticism and she replied with, “I am sorry you feel that way” and said that I was seeking reassurance. In the session itself she said that ERP is not suited for “soft” approaches. None of the complaints I raised had anything to do with ERP as we weren’t doing exposures when she said what I referred to. I could go on and on, but I will stop here. Just wanted to give a glimpse of the type of stuff I’m talking about. Trust me, there is a lot more. Am I being anti-therapy by saying all this?

Lil Magic

Date posted: 22h

We all have differing experiences for sure. I’ve been in therapy for 24 years off and on (I’m 28). I’ve had some therapists that kept me in a bad place. I’ve had some that put me in a worse place. And some that helped me. You aren’t wrong to feel a certain way about your experiences. But therapy is hard. You’re opening up to a stranger who is trying to understand you as a stranger and before really getting to know you. Trying to set up a game plan to best help you. So, it’s not going to be perfect. But don’t feel bad or guilty for feeling some type of way about your experiences. It takes so long to find what works for you, medicines, therapists, exposures, etc… My best unwarranted advise is to keep an open mind and communicate with your therapist. Check them if you feel they are wrong. Have a discussion and trust that they are an adult who can handle criticism and also try to handle it as well. Some times we are in the wrong and don’t notice it until someone else points it out (not saying you are wrong with anything in the post, just a general statement).

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

@Lil Magic May I just ask, did you read my post?

sophea

Date posted: 21h

I've been in therapy since I was ten-years-old and there are always going to be conflicts of interest. Therapists offered through NOCD are generally social workers who are trained in ERP and nothing else. If you only need ERP, NOCD is a great program, but, if you have more complex issues, it might be time to look elsewhere. I have six psychiatric disorders and found that NOCD didn't meet my complex needs as a patient, but that doesn't mean NOCD is a bad program, just that I need something it doesn't offer. That might be the case for you as well if you're looking for support with complex family dynamics and intrapersonal issues. Just my two cents.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

We must be critical of therapy! The power imbalance is real and if you’re sensitive to feeling powerless/out of control (as most people with OCD are) or if you are a person with a marginalized identity (aka people who are more likely to have experienced powerlessness), therapy can very easily recreate the exact dynamics that harmed you in the first place while insisting it’s helping. Therapists are not neutral, they are not automatically right, and a client’s distress is not always evidence of “resistance” or “reassurance-seeking.” Sometimes it is a completely accurate response to being misunderstood, pathologized, or talked over by someone with more institutional power. We should absolutely be able to talk about that openly. - An anti-therapy clinician who is also a therapy client bc therapy is where you go when you need help and we haven’t come up with a better system yet

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond