Scared of My Own Neurology

First off, this may be VERY triggering for some... that is exactly what happened to me and it's lasted for 5 months and counting... I think this is some combo of Health OCD (about the brain) / Existential OCD (what does this neurological stuff mean?) / Pure O etc. .... What neurological damage can happen from memory-checking 1000 times in a row? etc etc etc Idk if this happens for anyone else but I feel like I am VERY / TOO AWARE of my own "neurology" TECHNICAL processes. Like I really NOTICE the TECHNICAL stuff. Like I'm noticing technical thought patterns, brain chemicals, brain circuitry, memory checking and ability, etc. Like some mad scientist who is too much in his own head and over-doing it to the point of destruction. Or maybe this isn't breaking news to anyone, but I feel like I'm alone in this "type" of OCD. It's like if you're taking a jumpshot in basketball. Imagine doing all the technical calculations just to shoot the basketball -- "ok I'm 20 feet from the hoop, my elbow is at a 90 degree angle, my feet are here, blah blah blah".... no that'd end up in an air ball. You're supposed to "think" in basketball but that is clearly over-thinking to the point of destruction -- and the end result is not good, it's crap. When someone like Steph Curry is "in the zone" it's not because they're like over-thinking everything, it's because they've like "become one with the ball and the hoop and the flow" lol. Almost instinctual. Like many, the OCD process: 1. Trigger / Inquiry > Anxiety 2. Memory checking "Ok did I already deal with that inquiry? Let me check my memory... did I miss anything? etc etc. 3. Rumination / Problem Solving 4. Conclusion / Dealt With / Reassurance It's hard to explain, but every time this progression happens, I feel like I am experience the same neurological technical loop. I'm not a neurologist, but I feel like I'm noticing too many neurological processes in real time. Every time this loop happens, I am TRAINING MY BRAIN and strengthening this destructive loop and destructive neurological effects. So if the loop ends with a thought about the memory rather than the memory itself, that's going to be the new circuitry going forward. But with OCD, it feels like an unstoppable train! If I do basically the same lop 1000 times and it's destructive, that's gonna do something to my brain right!? It feels like I'm a train on fire, and the endless fuel is OCD, and the destination is Alzheimer's. Who asked for this? I'm just trying to live my damn life. At this point I'm more scared of actual neurological damage than the inconvenience of having to deal with OCD. Maybe I need to get a brain scan just to put my mind at ease. I do realize that me worrying about "what OCD does to the brain" can become an obsession and anxiety in and of itself. I think my brain is literally fried at this point. It's so mentally exhausted that I just do what I can to deal with whatever the theme is. I just remembered, and I've had OCD for 10 freakin years! I thought I could fix it myself, I put therapy on the backburner to focus on other things, I haven't made it a priority to get it fixed even though it's screwed everything up. I'm working towards that hopefully this year. My advice is to get treatment and no tt wait til OCD fries your brain!