afternoon post

hey guys! this is my second time writing this bc I got distracted and the app restarted…… so, in short, I’m at a restaurant eating during traffic hour (hoping to avoid the traffic on the way home) thinking abt the choices I have for school. earlier, I was at one of my campuses since I had some time to go to my afternoon class after my consultation appointment. after class, I thought abt the program coach I talked to this tuesday (I called her a guidance counselor….almost the same thing ig) & walked to the faculty office area I thought abt it and was considering going home, but I ended up talking to her. one of the best decisions I’ve made. I somehow ended up venting a bit & she listened to me. after being by myself for these past few years, it feels great when you can talk to someone. this talk being abt my future career. right now, it’s either I continue engineering, do the technical route, or do a completely different career with the associates degree I’ll get. I withdrew from my precal course. it had to be done. I just couldn’t keep up and it was fast paced. I overestimated my ability to do it. so, now a good chunk of my worries are out of the way and I can focus on my other classes. another thing is that I need to drop a club bc I can’t do all. so, the math club it is. I wanna keep my art club & still interested in the other two engineering clubs. the coach basically said to pick a club where I feel like they’re my kind of people. wheww, I can’t wait to finally start having friends. being alone irl has been a ride, but now I’m ready to grow and not be stuck inside. ofc, I’m not gonna be going out everyday and doing crazy things. I just want to make my life more fun and interesting. I’m quite nervous of what to pick but I’d just like to have a good job that pays for what I need and want, gives me my preferred work life balance, and good work benefits. thinking of engineering being done for another 5 years…..bleugh. it pays but idk if I wanna be in school for that long. now, if I decide that I wanna do that in the future, then for sure. I just hope to find a great job that will keep me happy in life. I wanna be content. I am blessed with what I have now and will do my best to use the resources I have can we get a moment to congratulate me?!?! I’ve been visiting health professionals so I can get back on track on my health & finally focus on issues that have been present for so long!!! I have been using this app and trying tips to help myself be stronger and gain control of my life back!!! I am no longer engaging in intense gambling!!!! I actually saved money to pay for my kitty’s tooth removal surgery!!!! I am a pet parent who has kitties that love her!!! I am getting better at accepting uncertainty of things!!!! I am finally asking for help at school!!! I’m networking when I can!!! I joined a couple of clubs!!! I attended campus events!!! I’m actually doing homework and doing well in my classes?!?! (we don’t count the math class I just withdrew lol) I EVEN VOTED FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! & not just a general election! the primary election that is the MOST important election!!! I’m one of the few that decided to use my voice!!! the smallest actions can make the biggest impact. can you believe it?!?! wow!!! that’s a lot but my goodness! I have accomplished more this year than I have this past year!!! I knew the light wouldn’t die out while I was at war with myself. I didn’t give up on myself. I didn’t give up on life. I’m strong!!! and I know you, who is somehow reading this, are strong as well! some days are tough, but better days replace them & we get stronger each time. I’m not giving up!!! I have much to think abt but I’m not as scared as I used to be. still a bit scared of what I’ll choose, but I always have the choice to choose better! I’m blessed to be in such a position. I hope with time, those who don’t have the opportunity get the chance. I’m yapping again…..well, I’ll leave it at that. since I’ve been sitting here at the restaurant for about….2 hours…..haha….. I’m def gonna shower and work on hw!!! will now get a good portion of my stress taken away (math class) and can focus on chilling with my fam! ain’t that great. I’m hopeful of a better tomorrow. I will try my best to end today on a good note. I can do this!!! wow, I have a lot to do, but it feels quite good. anyway, I might post later. remember to breathe. be kind to yourself. you can do this! hugs 🫂