Feeling retroactive jealousy.

@Nicole.ocd Nah, I stopped around a year ago. My themes became manageable with my tools. I just had never delt with it before. Even in the same relationship

@Parker_b Okay so you are saying this is a newer theme that has cropped up, correct?

@Nicole.ocd For sure. I definitely caused some of the know because I knew him and asked questions. So some of this on on me. I know she’s with me now. And that should matter for something. She’s also amazing to me and I don’t want to lose something real because of this yk?

@Parker_b I hear you. and if you have ROCD, like me, that was your compulsion, was digging for info. You want that certainty. You want answers. In that case, don’t punish her for it. She maybe didn’t want you to know this at all because it’s meaningless to her now. Idk if you still interact with this guy though. Id completely distance myself for the health of your relationship

@Nicole.ocd I brought up the things that I’ve been intrusively thinking to her. And she didn’t take it well. I just feel like a bad boyfriend now. I don’t want her to think she’s like indebt to me or something

@Parker_b From a male's perspective, I think its natural to have somewhat of a reaction to finding out that someone close to you has been with your current girlfriend. The issue is the level of reaction. One thing to remember is everyone has a past, but what matters most is the present. I wouldnt ask anymore about it and sit with the discomfort of not knowing what occurred, because it doesn't matter. When I was younger I had an issue with my then girlfriend having dated people I knew, but as you get older you realize that the past is insignificant. I hope this helps. Keep your head up. God bless

@OCDisHell Good advice. Hey!! Just thought of this…One of my ERP responses is to say “I can get the ick and still choose my relationship.” Or “I can get the ick and still be present in my relationship” ….. maybe use these as tools and tweak them so that they are relevant to you. You need a phrase to say to yourself when this stuff gets overwhelming and you are in a heightened anxious state.

@Nicole.ocd Acknowledge that discomfort … be compassionate towards yourself, and choose to be present in the relationship 🩵 I REALLY truly hope this helps you.

@Parker_b See my other 2 replies above but sometimes, unfortunately, being transparent does not always go well with the other person because they don’t understand it. I’ve experienced this. Its gonna make her self-conscious even though its you trying to be transparent and get it off your chest. I hope she can understand that its not her fault but just a part of the nature of ROCD/intrusive thoughts and assure her its something you can work on with or without her help. Hang in there sweetheart

@Nicole.ocd You’re so sweet, I really appreciate you and all the people on this app. So kind.

@OCDisHell 100 percent dude. Hearing from a guy with more experience than my young 21 year old ass makes me feel hopeful.