New compulsions

Does anyone ever get new ones something that feels like it’s healthy but really is harming you instead of? I went from having trouble cleaning due to depression and no sleep and bad ocd to compulsively cleaning to help with my ocd it’s so hard not asking constantly for reassurance and really thought i was getting better and that am but now to combat intrusive thoughts I clean my hands are chapped and hurt so bad and I’m upset I can’t keep house because I have 2 toddlers and I feel like a bad mom because I get upset when they tear the house up and I wanna be more active spending time with them but I get burnt out so quickly I don’t know what to do I feel like even at my best I still fail 😭

Malita

Date posted: 9h

You can only do your best hunny. OCD is hard and all compulsions are harmful to us in some way. Your toddlers mess is going to be great for erp! You’re not a bad mum, you’re just human. No human can do it all. And balancing OCD is a full time job in itself. Try to stay present and keep doing your best x

MR.25.25

Date posted: 9h

@Malita Thank you this meant a lot to hear !

Anonymous

Date posted: 9h

100% feel you on this. Idk if this is personal trauma or my nature or what but I feel that I've found I only operate when it feels like there's a "consequence" – very rigid healthy eating (done out of fear for my health), getting to bed at a good time, basic self care, etc. I get these depressive "episodes" where I throw in the towel on all of it and then, when it feels like I'm hurting my partner, on a road to self destruction, etc. suddenly I'm go, go, go and it feels healthy in a way but it's definitely not. I think my advice would be, in your case, remember that a messy home is different than a dirty home. Messy homes are lived in; messy homes are a stage of life; messy homes are a sign of development, of play, of freedom, of expression. It sounds like you're a parent who cares and I don't think there's anything more valuable you can give your family than that. Have you done a worry script to get to the root to talk back to your OCD?

MR.25.25

Date posted: 9h

@Anonymous You are absolutely right !!! I get burnt out and than stop cleaning where everything is depressing and chaos and than I finally get so tired of it I clean and clean and clean I was so depressed where I didn’t do anything and never slept but now I sleep better and on a good med and started feeling like a normal person with a normal life again and like ya said I felt very good but now I realize it’s starting to be a compulsion where it feels like I’m failing it’s so hard because I also am doing all this to manage my intrusive thoughts which sucks I felt like a bad wife and mom for a long time because I didn’t keep house now I feel bad because that’s all wanna do and get mad when it’s messy I haven’t done scripts yet because this is kinda new in a ways i had moments like this but not as bad I don’t think but I’m also worried if I don’t stay in routine I will fall back into habits of not cleaning or being productive again it feels like loose loose sometimes especially when I finally feel like I’m getting better I don’t feel exact like perfect which is another part ocd and I know there’s probably no such thing as perfect mental health it just sucks sometimes because I hate the burnt out feeling and not accomplishing anything but also don’t like the overload of taking on too much I suck at balance

Anonymous

Date posted: 9h

@MR.25.25 - I relate to everything you're saying so much (struggling with balance, etc.) and it's hard to remind yourself (I'm working on this in therapy right now too), that OCD doesn't get to tell you it's all or nothing -- OCD doesn't get to tell you because you let the house be messy today you'll allow it to be messy indefinitely. Idk if this is good advice or not but I saw someone say (about getting to the gym and eating healthy) that never let it be two in a row (when possible and realistic) -- i.e., don't skip two workouts in a row, etc. Maybe doing something like that is a low level way to do an ERP? Another option might be to want to clean but only give yourself a 30 minute window after dinner each night or delay cleaning by 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, etc. when you feel the immediacy of this needs to be done now or else? Worry scripts have been huge for me in sitting in the discomfort of the ERP and maybe they could help you too but I'm rooting for you!!

MR.25.25

Date posted: 7h

@Anonymous Thankyou!

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