Anxious attachment +OCD+ he has ADHD and the same

So, it’s all brand new I’ve only been on 2 dates but we’ve been talking for over 2 months. He’s been really quite recently and I know he’s had a lot going on (family, friends, work) so I’m trying to cut him some slack considering the fact he deals with burnouts, but I’m starting to think he’s really not interested in me. Out second dates was a sleepover, he booked a night away and invited me to go with him. He’s always been really good and explaining what’s happening, if he disappears he apologised and explained what was going on and how it wasn’t personal but recently, in the last week since we had the sleepover, he’s been a bit distant. When he does message it’s great I get the vibe he’s into me but then it’ll take him a day or hour to reply and it’s making my nervous system freak out and I can’t seem to work him out. I’ve asked for date 3 this week, and we’re discussing it but he’s left me on delivered again. Is this just an ADHD thing I’m gonna have to get used to? If date 3 happens do I have very right to voice my anxiety about him drifting? Am I overthinking the entire thing just because we don’t talk 24/7 and that’s a really modern disgusting way of thinking about it? Social media tell me all of this! That it’s right and it’s wrong, that he likes me that he doesn’t, that it’s his ADHD that it’s not. I’m trying to just listen to what he’s told me, but it’s rough. People keep looking at me like I’m making excuses for him but it’s just what he’s told me! I’m beyond stressed I just thought we clicked and I guess I was wrong

Ann88

Date posted: 19h

I know dating is confusing. I would give him a chance to reply and maybe focus on friends and family. Hobbies for yourself. He might reach out if you start to give him space to do it. It’s new so he might be going slow on purpose. Maybe he doesn’t like texting a lot. It’s hard to say. If he is interested he will show you with time but I would give him a chance to show you. He might need to go slow if he’s feeling the situation out. Sometimes people pull away and then they might come back and be consistent if they develop stronger feelings and a stronger attachment to you. It doesn’t happen over night sometimes. I also think avoiding rushing physical intimacy is a good idea if you want to protect yourself and avoid giving too much without having a commitment . Especially if that’s what you need to feel safe and secure in the situation. Everyone might have an opinion but it could confuse you. It’s good to vent but everyone has an opinion and it may or may not be valid if they don’t know him. Time will tell. I would not rush anything and let it happen, if it’s not for you, then it’s better to find out before you have deeper feelings. That’s my opinion but I wouldn’t push him away or pursue him harder if he’s not putting in effort. Match his pace and see if it progresses. It may or it may not. He will show you, if you give him a chance but I would not keep asking for a date if he is not making plans. I would make plans for myself and if he reaches out and tries to do a date when you are busy. Tell him you already made plans so he knows he needs to make them to see you. Since you have a life outside of him as well. He might respect your time more if you have boundaries. Have a good day. This is just my opinion and you are free to do what works for you. I hope you feel better. I know dating is hard. I would just let time tell and if he’s not the one for you, it’s better if you find out early so you can find a better match for you. You have your own boundaries and wants and needs. I can’t tell you what is okay for you though. That’s just what I would do. Have a good day.

pureolife

Date posted: 19h

I think you need to stop trying to figure this out. And that it’s probably a compulsion. New relationships are full of unknowns and what ifs. You’ve barely started getting to know each other. You’re not going to totally get him after 2 dates. And putting the pressure of the entire life or death of the relationship on every text message isn’t healthy. Breath. Refocus on the present moment and what’s in front of you and actually happening. Whatever is going on with him is up to him to communicate. If he does and you’re satisfied with his answers, keep going. Closeness grows with time.

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