Real Event OCD + morality OCD, how to treat?

So I attempted therapy with a counsellor and opened up about some of my C-PTSD as a compulsion (confessing) when I brought up my OCD thoughts and how they were driving me insane since they were based on a real time period. The problem is, she not only misunderstood my compulsion as a confession and made me feel horrible about myself and the event reminding me I need to be careful not to repeat it. But like...I already think about it ALL the time and feel horrible about it. It is genuinely debilitating. She didn't even try and clarify it, called me a victim in one scenario and put a bunch of labels on me without confirming what she understood from what I had told her. She seemed visibly shaken. Then she tried to end the session ASAP and told me that we had a lot of work to do and to practice sitting with my feelings. I understand that C-PTSD is a complex topic but I genuinely don't think that reaction was helpful at all. My previous therapist who was trauma informed didn't react like this. It just made me spiral really bad into OCD and I have been stuck for days fighting for my life. I of course immediately stopped sessions with her and am currently going back to my old therapist. The reason why I write all of this is because I want to contextualise my previous bad experience with someone who wasn't trauma informed. My current therapist is, however she doesn't deal with OCD so her help is greatly limited for me. I have been looking for someone who might have both but I can't really seem to see that. It seems to be mostly psycho-therapists. The thing is I have had a few bad experiences with them and I really don't trust them now after this. What could I do? Should I go for a combined approach of both without getting into too much detail for the IFS or ERP? I am really lost and scared rn.

sebyyy111

Date posted: 16h

I understand what you’re going through. It can be even worse when professionals don’t understand your situation. I am so sorry for that. Have you ever tried EDMR therapy? I’m considering going back because my OCD rumination has been out of whack for some time now from when I wake up till I go to sleep with not much release during the day.

Dazzle

Date posted: 12h

What is EMDR therapy? Also thanks for the response. Appreciate it 🙏

ChristIsKing

Date posted: 16h

You need to make a list of notes that are core ocd issues you struggle with and then begin to branch them out. Visualization helps exit the mind echo chamber and begin to make the issue more of a chore rather than a traumatic event. It worked for me with my porn addiction which was my source of rumination guilt and shame and fear. Make it trivial not a real event. Like a mini emdr but for thoughts. It’s helpful I promise. I used a white board

Dazzle

Date posted: 12h

This is actually really helpful!! I think my mistake was probably the way I went about talking about it. I got triggered mid session and framed myself in a bad light because I felt bad about myself. My self hatred taints my story every time and sometimes I fabricate extra bad details because it fits my narrative that I'm an evil person more I think rather than being neutral and grounded in reality. At the end of the day therapy is a tool, it's not a random place of repeated trauma dumps. Making it trivial really helps. I'll try all of that, thank you for the advice!!

ChristIsKing

Date posted: 12h

@Dazzle Not at all I’m very happy I could help and if you need anything please let me know I am more than happy to assist.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond