My mom passed about a month ago, she was 65, a alcholic, i am also a alcholic, with awfull thoughts, my mind is telling me i didnt really love her, i dont miss her enough, i feel numb a lot, but when my mom was here how muched i loved her, never would have come up, very very close, this has made me more numb, more depressed than i ever was, really hurting

i understand how you feel. i lost my mother too, and i’d have thoughts that i didn’t love her enough or that i even shouldn’t be happy because it would mean that i don’t miss her. i don’t think it’s a coincidence that we both had similar patterns of thinking- grief often comes with guilt and it can be very good at manipulating us, especially this early. my condolences to you and your family. after you give yourself time, you’ll be more at peace and will be able to remember your positive memories with her. try to feel more connected to her by sharing your memories of her with the people you love, and do the things she enjoyed. pay her a visit or light some candles at home or pick her some flowers. alcohol is something that will make the grieving process longer and worse, so i highly recommend that you see an AOD specialist if you don’t already.

Thank you very much