Questioning everything about myself

My SOOCD is running rampant today. I’m in a happy relationship, I plan to spend the rest of my life with this man. Recently after listening to to coworkers talk about their SOO and dating life etc I found myself questioning myself. I could notice someone’s lips or physique or facial structure and because they’re of the same sex my mind says “What if you’re gay?” And then that in turn leads to so many more what ifs and questions and it brings me anxiety. I try to say “maybe maybe not” but sometimes it doesn’t seem to work. I’m come to the conclusion attractiveness is a spectrum and I find both genders attractive in their own ways but I have never desired to have sexual interaction with the same sex. Queue the OCD “BUT WHAT IF”. Anyways I’m just struggling today. What if I was? I wouldn’t want to leave my relationship, I love him so much and he loves me and he’s my very best friend. Isn’t that what we all aim for anyways? Regardless of gender don’t we all want to be loved? So I’m happy… why does my brain keep questioning such good things in my life 😞

ElusiveButte...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19h

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I am of the same mindset that attractiveness is a spectrum and still have days where my OCD needs certainty that I’m with the “correct” partner. Since I’m attracted to women as well but have never been with one I sometimes worry that in 30 years I will realize I’m a lesbian and hurt my partner and I feel like because my relationship and stability are so incredibly important to me, it’s ROCD, SOOCD, and a little touch of harm OCD (I am TERRIFIED of accidentally hurting my partner physically or emotionally) trying to take me out of the relationship that I enjoy so much. Any time things are going well, this part of my OCD starts screaming! I’m sure your experience is different but you’re not alone and I believe therapy has helped so much because now I can recognize when it’s ocd and ask myself “okay but does this have anything to do with what is happening here and now? No? Then it is probably OCD and I will not allow it to take me out of this moment” then I redirect myself and try not to let myself keep ruminating

username524

Date posted: 19h

@ElusiveButterfly The ruminating is definitely getting to me right now. I feel the same way. And there’s no way to know if in 30 years I will want to be with a woman. But I know I love my boyfriend and I am happy with him so I try to focus on that. I find myself justifying that other people also just find “people” in general attractive and usually they’re like well yeah I can appreciate someone attractive regardless of any sex and I think we all do that… and I want to say yeah maybe… but you don’t have OCD and your mind doesn’t run wild with the thought.

Maddie463

Date posted: 15h

I understand the frustration. I’ve always been straight and if I notice a certain physical feature about the same sex I start going in a loop about “what if I’m gay.” I love the guy I’m with and I plan on marrying him, so I kinda tell my OCD that “I’m choosing him and I don’t need to focus on those thoughts.” I know it’s a lot easier said than done and some thoughts are harder to pass than others. I’ve had a previous therapist also tell me to go back to what my values are.

anonymous_wi...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

I totally relate to what you are going through. I’ve been happily married to my husband for about 3 years, but recently my ROCD and SO-OCD has kicked in. I fear I’m going to realize I’m gay in the future and it would end up in divorce. The thought of divorcing my husband genuinely breaks my heart. I’m fully satisfied in my marriage, but my brain tells me “what if you aren’t happy and you are in denial?” I just have to live in the uncertainty that I will never know so I’ll live in the here and now

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