ROCD

My boyfriend is going through a hard time in life and I already have a hard time trying to not think i'm the cause but we had a conversation today about his issues and mine - he said mine are like a little wrinkle on the relationship that he's not used to but it's not overwhelming - so I know he's okay atleast for now - my problem is first, i keep trying to replay the conversation in my head to see if we are still okay or if i've pushed him away because of my need to constantly talk about it - but in reality i actually try not to talk about it too much to overwhelm him - but secondly, he's the person I want to talk to the most about and try to find comfort in him

krisjenks

Date posted: 10h

I also struggle with the fact that I want to talk about everything and all the time - like i need to reach every crevice of the conversation to cover everything in my head - like i need him to know to feel better but then i'm right back to questioning if i pushed him too far Then i think well maybe i will give him space to just be and pull back a little bit but that lasts seconds before i spiral

Lookingforpeace

Date posted: 9h

I feel the exact same way I call it vomiting my thoughts like I try to wipe out every possible case scenario

Lookingforpeace

Date posted: 9h

@Lookingforpeace It’s hard to resist but I try to remind myself if I feel the urge to do that it’s my anxiety / ocd craving reassurance my boyfriend isn’t my therapist feel this discomfort in the urgency for a second and in 20 minutes or so you may not remember half of what you were thinking about previously

krisjenks

Date posted: 9h

@Lookingforpeace I try too, then I wanna fix it, make sure he knows I’m okay and I don’t need him to reassure me, it’s a crazy patter

Lookingforpeace

Date posted: 9h

@krisjenks It’s ocd I think it’s like the self Sabatoge aspect that comes with it your boyfriend said your problems are like a small wrinkle not a detrimental issue that’s reassuring within itself a lot of the times I asked my boyfriend if I pushed him away he usually responds with I’m still here so that’s a good way to look at it to it’s hard not to try and be a mind reader when you have ocd you want to make sure every feeling they’re having in response to yours is okay but it’s a compulsion within itself ; resist the urge to seek reassurance the way you can resist physical compulsions I also struggle with this because the mind isn’t like a physical compulsion it’s so frustrating

krisjenks

Date posted: 9h

@Lookingforpeace Yeah I think I just find every what if and fear I can think of - everything is mental for me, have you seen the mental health tattoos that show the brain as a bunch of scrambled lines/circles, that’s exactly how I feel

Lookingforpeace

Date posted: 7h

@krisjenks Yes same I’ve dealt with both mental and physical compulsions but as I’ve gotten older it’s been mostly mental it’s hard to navigate my brain feels like that most days too I just recently started a low dose of medication a few days ago because it’s just too exhausting to feel this way everyday and I’ve tried everything else my entire life my anxiety has been really high the past few months so I’ve accepted needing a little extra help with meds but know you are not alone and someone (me) understands completely how you feel sometimes it feels like I’m living inside my head and it’s a dark place but I know I’ve felt better before I have hope for both of us ♥️

krisjenks

Date posted: 7h

@Lookingforpeace I have hope for both of us too…I’ve been on some lexapro for over 10 years but everyone just told me it’s anxiety and depression, but no one understood the intrusive and terrifying thoughts I would have - I can now look back into my childhood and find multiple ocd subtypes I’ve hit, so I’m starting a new medicine geared towards ocd and I’m praying it help. I talked to my boyfriend again and we are in a good place, he said I’m more worried about how he reacts to my ocd than how much he’s actually worried and that we talk more about how I fear how it affects him than the actual content of my fears lol so it’s all over the place and we ended the phone call on a good note but my brain just won’t let me rest and be

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