Is this ROCD? Please Help

At this point I really don’t know if this is ROCD or not. I love my boyfriend, I feel safe with him, I feel happy with him, I feel myself with him. But I constantly ask myself whether I like his physical appearance or not, I try to picture us together in my head to see if he looks good for me or not, and that if I had someone who looks like “X”- has certain features, it would suit me more. But if he was the one, wouldn’t I just feel it, and feel that he’s my soulmate? Shouldn’t I feel that my love for him is enough that I see him perfect in my eyes? (Now I know these are typical questions that someone with OCD would ask, but they are real questions! No?)

barbrnhr22

Date posted: 21h

I have ROCD as well and have been in therapy for it for months now. I can confirm that this is definitely ROCD. I have always found myself doing the same with my girlfriend, thinking I need to be with someone more “attractive” to actually be sure. I notice attractive people all the time and wonder why I’m still finding other women attractive. The thing is? I began to realize I notice all of these other attractive women, but what is that really doing for me? If they’re all attractive, then who really is, y’know? I’m with my girlfriend because she’s beautiful AND she’s an amazing person and makes me a better person every single day. Unfortunately for us with ROCD, we don’t really get that certainty feeling of our person being our soulmate, at least in the traditional sense that people without OCD do. But I think in some strange way, that makes it more beautiful. It means we fight through all of this every single day and still choose our person. You’re not alone in this. There are so many people who go through the same, including me. I can assure you it gets better with work and time. It never fully goes away, but you learn to handle it :)

ocdr1

Date posted: 14h

@barbrnhr22 First of all thank you so much for your time to write me this. It’s confronting when someone tells me that this is definitely ROCD, because alone, I just dive into more and more loops. I’ve also been in therapy for 6 months now and she told me something that caught my attention, she said: “in these 6 months, how many thoughts have come out to be true? In our first sessions you had other thoughts that you no longer give them attention or believe them now! So these new ones will go too and will turn out to be just illusions as the old ones” And I felt that what she said is logical, but is it logical enough to us people with ROCD😅? I am trying to believe that this is not me, this is OCD, but sometimes it’s really convincing that I say to myself: “It’s your right to have a boyfriend that is your type and your taste, why blaming it on OCD, and what if this is all happening because I love him so I am just in denial and I don’t wanna believe my thoughts”

barbrnhr22

Date posted: 12h

@ocdr1 It’s true, it sometimes never feels like enough for us! I think your therapist’s point is great, too. It’s just something to remind yourself of when you’re really down. I have to do the same for myself every week. My work week absolutely degrades me until I feel like I just need to break up with my girlfriend, and then I’m magically better once Friday night hits. It’s exhausting, but at least I know the pattern, y’know? I wish you so much luck with the ignoring OCD thoughts and not believing them to be true. It is so, SO tricky, but it gets easier with time. I still have my awful slumps every week, but when I push through and look back on it I’m so grateful I did.

ocdr1

Date posted: 12h

@barbrnhr22 I hope it gets better for you and that you never lose the pattern, and I hope everyday is a Friday night for you😆 Thank you so much for your help I appreciate it :)

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