family

I don’t want to be a people pleaser but I also want to break free from trauma. But I never want to hurt anyone like my mother I struggle with and her narcissistic tendencies. I always try to avoid situations that might make her mad. Like I want to go on this trip with my aunt but if I go and she saw that would make her angry so if I did I wouldn’t be able to post anything or tell her I went. Or just not care and let her be mad bc I can’t control people if they are mad at me or not. And it’s so hard for me not to care but then it’s like I’m the bad person. I just don’t know what to do. Like she would be mad I went with my aunt instead of her bc she dislikes her or something just as an example but relates to a lot of situations. Like if she’s jealous that’s not my problem but then I want to avoid any contention. It’s hard to explain

Juliette26

Date posted: 22h

I think you should go on the trip. Family relationships are hard especially when you bring in different mental health scenarios. Just as you are learning to not people please, she will need to learn that you are an individual. I think k you would wish you had gone if you dont. The worst thing to do is put your life on hold for someone else's pleasure. It will be difficult but when you look back you will have a trip to rember and not just a memory of a spiral.

Cher54

Date posted: 21h

Ditto! I totally agree with the above statement. Go with your aunt and have a good time.

G C

Date posted: 21h

@Cher54 Really? Even if it makes her mad. I want to but she’s gonna think I’m intentionally trying to hurt her but I really just want to not be controlled that’s why I always walk around egg shells or do things so she’s not mad

G C

Date posted: 21h

Yeah also she got mad at me the other day and I didn’t even say anything bad but she just was mad I didn’t agree with her so then blew up on me and so haven’t talked to her for 2 days so idk if she’s waiting for me to text like it’s pressure on me when she’s the one that is mad or if I just let her be cuz she doesn’t say sorry then if I don’t answer it’s like I’m the villain so it’s just all around confusing all the time and I’m done just catering to her but then don’t want to damage anythin

Cher54

Date posted: 19h

@G C I totally understand. That sounds so much like me and my husband and how angry he was all the time over things that I didn’t think were worth getting angry over. He is lots lots better now of course we are older and he has a mellowed. But he would get really mad and then I would just clam up and not talk to him. Like you, I was afraid to say anything that it would just make him madder. But even my kids would tell me to stand up to him. And I soo wish that I had. Now I did at times and it actually did not make him worse. I think when you stand up to someone and tell them how you feel it, it diffuses their anger. Now granted not do it in an angry way, but just calmly tell them how you feel. Hey, it’s worth a try. I do not know this person you are talking about so I do not know how they would react to that, but it is not worth allowing her to make you feel miserable. Like you, I just cannot stand if I think someone is mad at me. It gives me anxiety. I hope this helps and I wish you the best.

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