I feel like I lost sight of who I am.

I mean this in the most respectful way humanly possible but you sound like I'm talking to 25 year old me. I always wanted to be a marine biologist and stuff too. I still keep a bucket list on my phone of all the perfectly "normal" things I missed out on because ya know reasons. I'm learning now- very very recently. The magical *feeling* and *circumstances* I was looking for they weren't there. They weren't coming. I didn't start marking things off my list or finding the space I wanted until I made it. And I don't mean I packed my bags one night and moved to taiwan or anything (money) but I started making space for myself a little at a time. Piece by piece. I spoke up when there was a new restaurant I wanted to try. I starting saying things like "next week I wanna go on this specific hike" and carved out these tiny little places I existed in. First with loved ones and now I'm working on existing when I'm alone.

My ex was really abusive. I suspect he had some undiagnosed uncontrolled narcissism and ROCD- so I lost a lot of friends and myself after that. And felt a lot of the same. I felt like I didn't have that identity. It's been a while since then but in many ways I'm in a lot of the same boat. My husband is very much my best friend and we do a lot of stuff together and at first I felt like 'this isn't healthy I'm supposed to have other people and other things' but at some point I realized I had built a really rich network of friends online and my irl hobbies just happened to line up with activities I really enjoyed doing with my husband. I'm not saying it's perfectly healthy or I don't need more hobbies- but what I am saying is don't judge yourself too harshly for what your hobbies end of being and if things don't look EXACTLY the way you imagine other people's lives are supposed to look. Have you considered something like 'This Months crafts' just to experiment with new hobbies and build new habits?

I feel this too. I am in the same boat too. There’s always ups and down though, thanks will get better ¨̮

I feel this on a personal level. It’s painful. Wanting to feel a certain way that for some reason, just isn’t there. I’ve had panic attacks, cried, shouted at myself, broken things, etc. because of the distress I feel sometimes. I am hopeful I will come out on top despite it all though. I’m confident life gets better.

Have you been through therapy before? Are you applying the tools that you got in therapy? If you are, sometimes we reach a stage in our journey called the doldrums. You don't have to worry about it, because it's completely normal. Your OCD recovery is going to be like a journey. It's going to have periods of quick progress, it's going to have some steps backwards, and it's going to have some long plateaus where you feel like you aren't going anywhere. But this is completely normal. You actually are progressing forward, it's just that you are in a stage of normality in practicing some of the foundational tools. And we just need a long time on that plateau--because it is part of our journey too. In time, our journey will change again. But in the meantime, you have to put in your time here. It's OK. And it's normal. Imagine if you were on a journey to cross the United States. And you started on the West Coast, where there were lots of highs and lows in the mountains, but then suddenly you hit the plains that are in the middle of the country. And there are miles and miles of flat country . That's just the terrain. That's just what it is. Eventually, when you get over to the East Coast, you will hit the mountains again. But, for the time being, this is part of your journey. So don't worry! It's all ok