So I cut my mom off officially 2 months ago she’s been verbally abusive and abusive to me since I was 6. I feel so much better not having her around but I feel guilty for it. She was making my life so hard forever and has caused most of my traumas. Am I a bad person for this ?
No—sometimes it’s actually better to leave certain people. I left my group of friends who had been with me for about six years. If a place doesn’t feel right for you, leave it. If a relationship doesn’t give you peace, walk away and let it go. It’s as simple as that. I know she’s your mother, and I’m sorry—but she is abusive.
@Twiga❣. This helped me thank u ur so right
I agree 100%! Well said.
Remember who has your back. THE LORD!
@The Doom 100%%
You are not at all!!! I get the guilt my sister abused me my whole life, due to the abuse of her biological parents. I lost a lot of memories from my childhood from trauma, so for awhile I cut her off. I felt terrible. I felt like it was unfair, but it was fair and right for me. Ultimately she was a kid, so I forgave her, but I dont forgive her abusers. I know telling you not to be guilty will do nothing to help, but just know you dont have to be. Its more of a, you can feel this valid emotion, but its also not wrong not to. I feel guilt for thi as everyday, so I get it, and you are incredibly strong and I think you made an incredibly hard but correct choice. Stay strong🫶
@Juliette26 Thank u!! Yeah it’s like ugh I go back and forth and right like ur valid but anytime I tell family I did it the always say “ but that’s ur mom” like u guys have no idea…
@Anonymous A contribution to your genetics will never make up for a lack or love and support. It's unfortunate that more people dont see that. Mistakes can be forgiven, but actions can only repeat ao many times before they are no longer mistakes.
@Juliette26 - Absolutely. At a certain point, if you have addressed their behavior and they aren't willing to make changes, or say they will but don't actually make the change, then they are intentionally abusing you. They will try to play victim, but it's so manipulative, and once you see it for what it is, you can't unsee it. They'll often blame you and try to make you out to be the "problem." My family does this -- they don't own up to their own issues, so instead they put everything on me. I'm an only child and we have no family in the area. My mother abused me and my dad my entire life.
@Anonymous This! Exactly this . It’s horrible
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Unfortunately, some parents like this do not want to make amends. They prefer to keep disrupting their child's life, throwing them off balance and abusing them to get their needs me. Toxic parents like this will play out their insecurities by torturing their children, abusing them, and yanking them around emotionally. A parent like this who is not willing to address their own problems is impossible to come to terms with or make amends with. Only when the toxic/abusive parent goes to therapy and/or addresses their own issues can any type of healthy relationship with their child be possible. It is not healthy to unconditionally accept abuse from a parent or any loved one.
@Anonymous This is so true I feel like she genuinely gets a kick out of it I couldn’t handle it
I just had to cut my mom off like a month ago due to trauma she’s bringing to my life. Don’t feel guilty, your mental health is what’s more important. I felt guilty in the beginning and everytime I start to feel guilty I just remind myself why I cut her off. It’s hard but we’ll get through this
@Anonymous Totally we are in this together
A bad person? Surviving the best way you can by separating yourself from toxic!
@MarciaMarciaMarcia Thank u for that I do feel bad sometimes but ur totally right
No, you are not a bad person. I had to cut my mother off, too. She was impossible to ever address any of her behaviors with, and she was incredibly verbally and sometimes physically abusive. Cutting her off was the only option I had because any time I'd try and talk to her about the issues, she'd deny her part in it and get incredibly angry and abusive. We are now back in contact and she finally agreed to go to therapy. The therapy has helped, but people like that will never truly change their personality -- they can only learn to adjust their behaviors, which can help make a relationship possible. But always remember that any relationship you have with her is entirely on your terms and up to you how much you want to be involved -- if at all.
@Anonymous Thank u. Yeah I think it’s best if I don’t have any contact with her. I hav given her numerous chances
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