What do I do about this

Ok so I made the bad decision of having a private moment to myself which afterwards I cleaned myself up in the shower because I have a bad fear of contaminating things with bodily fluids after said moments and I finish my shower and go to wash my hands and of course the water goes off I have soap on my hands so I rinse what I can off which isn’t a lot before the water completely stops so I have to get my dad’s phone to turn it back on e is sleep so I just tell myself I will do it myself which I do and I turn it back on but I realize my hands weren’t exactly washed when I did it so I now have to clean my dad’s phone and the kitchen counter which it was laying on along with the charger cord and the other phone my dad had because I accidentally picked it up thinking it was my dad’s other phone. I use a Clorox wipe on the counter and one of the phones and of course to my luck my dad wakes up when I’m not in the kitchen and grabs his phone and now I’m panicking because I didn’t clean the other phone and he just touched the phone I just wiped down so it didn’t have any contact time at all so now I contaminated my dad so afterward I wipe down the other phone and place it back on thenkitchen counter still wet and I’m still panicking about that because what if I didn’t wipe either of them down enough or the kitchen counter or the charger or me putting the wet phones back on the counter just recontaminated everything again or if my dad taking the other phone before it was enough contact time contaminated him because he put his phone in his pocket and went to get a drink so now if it was contaminated not only was the place he is sleeping at but also where the drinks are and the door handles and other things he touched like the fridge and such. And I hate myself because I could’ve prevented all of this now I feel sick and I don’t know what to do.

Your Rubber ...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

It sounds like you're in an anxiety spiral right now which is the perfect time to start using any tools you've learned in therapy if you're going- your maybe statements if you have those.

GuiltyGrapes

Date posted: 15h

@Your Rubber Ducky Yeah I tried treating it like ERP but it feels really bad to just ignore something that could such a disgusting thing to contaminate someone’s personal device let alone the kitchen counter

Burnsey

Date posted: 19h

I struggle with contamination related fears as well. During COVID, though I wasn’t necessarily scared of having it myself, I worried I had given it to someone else even if I didn’t know I had it. In reality, we can’t know what we are passing around. Washing hands, being cleanly, that’s fine. What isn’t is when we obsess over the thoughts of causing contamination which we can’t see or know about. Do you worry over other types of contamination or only what you’ve described above?

GuiltyGrapes

Date posted: 18h

@Burnsey Mostly just that and I’m still spiraling about it because I couldn’t wash my hands after my shower

Burnsey

Date posted: 18h

@GuiltyGrapes In reality, nothing has happened that has contaminated someone I would think. But there may be underlying guilt associated with the activity. Do you ever feel this way about other types of contamination like when you have a cold or touch some sort of chemical?

GuiltyGrapes

Date posted: 15h

@Burnsey When I’m sick but it’s never this bad I think it’s because if I did contaminate someone like that when I knew it could happen I would be a criminal

Burnsey

Date posted: 15h

I think that being criminal would a bit of stretch. You’d have to have intended to make someone ill or have been so negligent it was over some legal threshold, and I can tell you, as an attorney, I think the circumstances would have to be pretty exceedingly rare for this to even be a consideration. I think there could be a mixture of guilt over the act along with OCD. I think if you consider whether that’s true, whether you’re feeling some of this angst over the act and not the contamination then you may be able to get a little clarity on it. At the same time, realize all you can do when worrying about contamination fears is do what’s reasonable and responsible. At some point, somewhere after you washed multiple items and your hands you find yourself obsessing over not eliminating some phantom contamination you can’t see and can’t likely contain. I’ve had a little of this OCD flavor, and I know it can be exhausting. You have to realize this world is full of germs, bacteria, other things. Wash your hands, be a pretty clean, and let the rest take care of itself. You’re not the world’s Lysol, hehe. Ease up. Pray. Read the Word. God has power. He also has love for you. So do I. We aren’t perfect. Go in peace, my friend, and leave these fears behind. Be clean, disinfect, sure. But don’t give in by going past what’s reasonable. And more than likely, despite what you may think, somewhere in there you know what’s reasonable.

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