Breakup from OCD :(

My boyfriend and I broke up. It was a total blindside and he dumped me. He said I needed too much reassurance and that I hadn’t really respected him. It’s true, I had been going to him with so much all the time and disrespecting the time he was trying to put boundaries on and set aside to do work. But I couldn’t handle it. I ruined the whole thing and he told me that his heart just isn’t in it anymore. He said we’re both too unstable. I haven’t loved a man this much in years and we were talking marriage only a month or so ago. I just feel like I ruined this with my OCD and like even if I get healing it may just come back and cause issues again in my next relationship. I don’t feel capable of being loved in my brokenness. Is there any hope for me? Even if I don’t get healing right away, can someone love me in this? I want to be loved for all I am, even the broken parts… but he clearly couldn’t and lost all his affection, and he was the best I’ve had. And I just feel so incapable and flawed.

j vv

Date posted: 15h

Hi anonymous 👋 this sounds extremely difficult. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your partner mentioning OCD specifically as the culprit would really throw me for a loop, so I cannot imagine how you are feeling! There may be room for nuance here. There are many factors at play in a relationship beyond your OCD struggles. Chalking up everything to OCD seems unfair when your partner also mentioned you are “both unstable”. I’m not sure if you are working with a therapist, but you should be discussing this situation with them to process it. Feeling “broken” was one of the first things I addressed in therapy, so I hope that is something that can talk through with them. There is an opportunity for a mindshift toward growth here. Having a mental health condition does not mean you are broken—it means you’ll need to adapt to manage symptoms, and you haven’t learned how…yet. You will be able to survive this regardless of your relationship status, and if you choose, you can grow stronger from this experience as well. I would also recommend broadening your perspective at this difficult time. The future is unknowable—people break up, get back together, or meet new partners all the time. If you want any of those things to happen in your life (or simply want to free yourself from OCD more), doing deep work in therapy is how you get there. Focus on managing this effectively in therapy and making deep healing changes. Good things can follow that way. Wishing you comfort and healing 🫂

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

@j vv Yeah I just started therapy, just thought this guy would wait for me. I just felt like my lack of managing things well meant I was too broken to be loved. I want to be loved even in my roughest patches.

j vv

Date posted: 14h

@Anonymous That’s really tough. The first two months of therapy often get harder before they get better—it is when I was making a lot of internal changes and grappling with breaking down old patterns. It is messy, but it gets better with patience. The first step to building is often demolition, and that’s what it feels like… Maybe this can be understood by your partner in time. Either way, hang in there…it does get much better if you stick with therapy (in my case, it rapidly improved after the first few months!)

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