Can’t sleep

So, I’m not going to tell you to try to leave the bed for your mom. You are not in control of your mom’s wellness. You can decide to rot elsewhere. We should do our best to make beds the place where we specifically go to sleep. This has been recommended to me by a few people if you are having a hard time sleeping.

If there is a further place, like a couch, chair, anywhere else, that’s a change in your behavior :) also, our culture calls it rotting in bed, but you’re not rotting, you are just in bed. Don’t label your action negatively, you’re just in bed at the moment. I hope this helps.

When I struggle with sleep (literally last night I couldn’t fall asleep), I try to remember to be really gentle and kind to myself. I don’t put extra pressure on myself to perform perfectly. I say to myself “this is really hard. And it’s okay that it’s hard. You are not alone. So many many people right this instant are also struggling with sleeplessness and difficult emotions and fears. Let’s be gentle with yourself while you ride these waves of thoughts and feelings.” Sometimes I get up, get a glass of milk (or alternative milk) or drink some water, and then go to the sofa (if I can’t get comfy in bed) and read a favorite book until I feel tired. If scary thoughts come up, I use my NERs and allow myself to feel my feelings. I even use NERs with my anxiety about whether I’ll get back to sleep (ex: “yep, I may or may not get sleep tonight. I am going to embrace the uncertainty”). I agree with Foolofatook above, that you can’t fix your mother’s feelings. For managing depression for yourself (if you’re struggling with depression), you could give a listen to “Your Anxiety Toolkit” podcast — they have some episodes that specifically talk about depression and ways to manage. I’ve found “behavioral activation” and “scheduling blocking” to be helpful tools for myself. I also suggest talking to your therapist about all of this, since they’ll likely have specific tools and suggestions for you, since they’re more familiar with your situation. Hope something in there helps. You’re not alone — we’re here cheering you on ❤️