Past Addiction: Shame and Guilt.

This is another vent post. It's been a difficult day so I'm using this as a journal of sorts, with openness for conversation. Porn addiction ruined my life for many years. It made me see things that became central points of intense trauma for my PTSD and OCD to latch onto and the gut wrenching shame I'm feeling over memories of it are sending me spiraling. I am changed now, I am no longer addicted. Which is amazing, truly. I can't begin to overstate how thrilled I am that I'm no longer caught in it's web. But the memories? The guilt, the shame? It's enough to cripple me mentally and see me unable to move forward for a while. Why can't I accept that I was addicted? That I was coping with intense childhood sexual trauma from the age of 13 by using extreme pornography as a coping mechanism? If you are struggling with this addiction, I see you. If you're feeling guilt and shame due to the dark paths it took you down, I feel you. But you are so much more than your addiction and you are free to live a normal, happy life. You can do it, I know you can. (Adding onto this, I didnt escape this addiction as a child and it continued during my 20s. But I started when I was a child. Nowadays I'm free thanks to therapy and practising self acceptance. Didn't want to spread personal misinformation lol)

anonymous_wi...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I was stuck in the same addiction as a kid. I think back to those times with such shame and guilt. I was coping with a lot of childhood trauma by watching pornography. I honestly feel like God helped me move past my addiction. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Burnsey

Date posted: 15h

Like anything immoral, porn brings no redeeming qualities to the table. It brings guilt, shame, self-loathing. But God didn’t do what He did for us so that we can keep walking around in shame. We’ve all sinned. Tomorrow is Easter. Think about what that means. The Son of God took on death, paid for sins He didn’t commit, was raised three days later, and did that so you and me could be forgiven. We don’t deserve it. We can’t earn it. But He offers it. He’s way stronger than our guilt and shame over any sin. Give it to Him; pray; read the Word. Move forward in grace. Love you!

Flappy duck

Date posted: 17h

Hi friend, you said something that I related to so much. You ask “why can’t I accept I was addicted and that you were coping” This hit hard for me cause it’s something I’m battling as well. I’m very new to ocd and still barely know anything about it especially in relation to my own experiences I wanna say how proud I am for you beating your obsession! Hopefully we can release our feelings of guilt and shame surrounding our ocd and refocus on the strength of overcoming those things and how it’s okay to experience feelings of shame and guilt as long as it isn’t controlling us.

Generiname

Date posted: 17h

Acceptance is pain. Because I think a lot of us with OCD believe we're meant to hold ourselves accountable for our mistakes. But every therapist I've had has told me to move on from this. That I made mistakes but it shouldn't stop me from living a life. I was a traumatised child, and to get into something so extreme from a young age as a way to COPE...? No wonder it left me messed up in my adulthood. No wonder. I'm proud of you too. You have a long path ahead of you with your recovery, but you aren't alone. There's a point where everyone starts at the beginning.

Kevin V

Date posted: 14h

The thing is, you still view your past addiction as something that defines you. Humans are a series of experiences and choices, and one trait cannot truly define a human being. You hold onto that guilt and shame because your beliefs push you to do so. If you don't want to continue to deal with the guilt and shame, you need to change your mindset, challenge your beliefs, and face your core fears. If you change your beliefs to allow you to forgive yourself, then the guilt and shame will not have presence in your mind, as your new beliefs wouldn't give any room for those feelings to take hold within you. If you face your core fears, then that will show you why OCD attacks you in the way it does. If you truly want to recover from OCD, you must be willing to change.

Generiname

Date posted: 13h

I have changed before, and I'll change again in a different way this time. I judge myself harshly for my past, because it's mine and mine alone. (Outside of my therapist of course.) I'll continue working hard. Thank you for the support

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