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I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I was stuck in the same addiction as a kid. I think back to those times with such shame and guilt. I was coping with a lot of childhood trauma by watching pornography. I honestly feel like God helped me move past my addiction. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Like anything immoral, porn brings no redeeming qualities to the table. It brings guilt, shame, self-loathing. But God didn’t do what He did for us so that we can keep walking around in shame. We’ve all sinned. Tomorrow is Easter. Think about what that means. The Son of God took on death, paid for sins He didn’t commit, was raised three days later, and did that so you and me could be forgiven. We don’t deserve it. We can’t earn it. But He offers it. He’s way stronger than our guilt and shame over any sin. Give it to Him; pray; read the Word. Move forward in grace. Love you!

Hi friend, you said something that I related to so much. You ask “why can’t I accept I was addicted and that you were coping” This hit hard for me cause it’s something I’m battling as well. I’m very new to ocd and still barely know anything about it especially in relation to my own experiences I wanna say how proud I am for you beating your obsession! Hopefully we can release our feelings of guilt and shame surrounding our ocd and refocus on the strength of overcoming those things and how it’s okay to experience feelings of shame and guilt as long as it isn’t controlling us.

The thing is, you still view your past addiction as something that defines you. Humans are a series of experiences and choices, and one trait cannot truly define a human being. You hold onto that guilt and shame because your beliefs push you to do so. If you don't want to continue to deal with the guilt and shame, you need to change your mindset, challenge your beliefs, and face your core fears. If you change your beliefs to allow you to forgive yourself, then the guilt and shame will not have presence in your mind, as your new beliefs wouldn't give any room for those feelings to take hold within you. If you face your core fears, then that will show you why OCD attacks you in the way it does. If you truly want to recover from OCD, you must be willing to change.