urgent help needed

hello, please i need support as soon as possible. i need help reviewing if confessing/discussing this with my partner is the right thing to do. i told a lie at the beginning of our relationship. i said i broke up with my ex late last year (2024), contextually. this conversation was in march last year (2025) however, i broke up with my ex on the first of january (2025) my relationship with my ex was unfulfilling and failing for a long time, since around august/september 2024. we didn't meet up outside of school, we weren't that physically close and my needs weren't met for a long time. we discussed breaking up in early september but continued for whatever reason. this doesn't excuse the lie but since the relationships failure was mostly in the last part of the year and the official break up date was the first day of the new year, i told that lie. and i deeply regret it more than anything. it makes me feel sick, and has for many months. i didn't tell my partner because i read that confession would only worsen it. and i am terrified of losing her. but now ive left it too long and its eating at me so badly ive been in a spiral. im shaking writing this. please someone guide me. i really don't know what to do

soadsvt

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey! Since you’ve mentioned youre in a spiral and were shaking while writing your post, please take a moment to take some nice deep breaths. Part of recovery for OCD is knowing that we cannot have absolute certainty. Maybe this is something you need to bring up to your partner, maybe it is not. Maybe your partner will be upset, maybe she will not. What is OCD telling you will happen if you dont tell her? I of course am not a professional but I think if you tell her because of stress/anxiety, it sounds like you confessing to her is a compulsion as you are examining any lies in the relationship and figuring out the “rightness” of it which is classic ROCD. I hope others have good advice but I suggest looking at some relaxing youtube videos or anything to calm your nerves!

squirrelquarrel

Date posted: Yesterday

@soadsvt if i don't tell her, i feel like a liar and a fraud and that receiving her love feels wrong because i did something bad she doesn't know about. thank you for your kind words, i will just focus on calming down for now.

megh4n

Date posted: 22h

i'm sorry you're feeling this way. i'm not sure i am in a position to give advice since i'm not a conqueror yet, but i have personally felt so guilty for small details like this that i want to try! confession should stem from your values, not compulsion. here are the facts without speculating on your or your partner's feelings: jan 2025 is very close to end of 2024. that detail doesn't meaningfully change your relationship with your current partner in any way. first you need to live in this spiral and let is subside, then you can decide if this is something you need to tell your partner. i think soadsvt's comment was very on point !

squirrelquarrel

Date posted: 21h

@megh4n thank you for this more objective view on my situation. my values are telling me to tell her, but so is my ocd. thinking about it just makes me incredibly anxious. i have had these thoughts since around august 2025 so i think maybe i do need to bring it up but i also really don't know.

tsootsoo

Date posted: Yesterday

And when did your relationship with your current partner start?

squirrelquarrel

Date posted: Yesterday

@tsootsoo march 2025, the day after this conversation

changeisgood?

Date posted: 23h

Hello! I didn’t read the full post because it seems like reassurance seeking. Resist seeking reassurance! Live with the maybe, Maybe not.

squirrelquarrel

Date posted: 22h

@changeisgood? thank you for your advice

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