I don’t know if this is OCD

I’m not really trying to convince myself it is to be honest, but I just have something I want to talk about and ask about. So I have a daughter, 17 months old now, up until about 1 year old she would cuddle me no matter what. But nowadays she seems to only want her mum. Which is okay, but I can’t help but think it’s my fault. My partner has to deal with all of her tantrums and sleepy cries and wake-up’s, I try to help out because she wants help but every time I try to pickup my baby to cuddle now she instantly cries harder because it wasn’t mum that picked her up. My daughter doesn’t usually mind cuddling me when mum isn’t to be seen or heard, but anytime mum is in the same room it’s like she just doesn’t want me anymore, and if I try to keep her for longer she will throw a tantrum. Mum just wants a break sometimes, and I can rarely ever give her one. I feel guilty that I’m not as good of an option as her mum is, and I feel guilty that I can’t help out. Is this normal to feel guilty, and should I feel guilty?

Elena Alvarez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28d

I’m sorry that sounds really hard - I think instead of being able to answer that for you, which none of us are in your shoes so we truly can’t, maybe a perspective shift? Maybe this is OCD making you feel guilty, or maybe it’s a natural reaction to your situation, you can choose to be resilient and a great parent no matter what!❤️

Dannyr

Date posted: 28d

@Elena Alvarez I understand that, it just frustrates me that I really can’t do anything to take the load off her mum, and I don’t know how I can change that. I just feel like I’m not fully a parent, just like a helper if that makes sense.

SearchingFor...

Date posted: 18h

In my own opinion as a mother of 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl . I would assume your daughter is just attached to her mama and when she sees her or hears her she wants to be close to her. That doesn’t mean your daughter doesn’t love you because I’m sure she does. I understand how you feel there are times when my boys would rather be hanging out with their dad then me and it makes me feels a little sad but, when I ask them why they rather hang out with their dad they say because “he’s my dad, and he can talk more about guy stuff with him”. Another example of when my kids were younger my daughter would cry every time I left the house to go to work and her dad would be home with her. It wasn’t because she didn’t love her dad or want him it wasn’t just because I’m her mom and little girls sometimes grow a strong attachment to their mother but, my daughter is a daddy’s girl too she loves us both the same. Don’t be hard on yourself, she is just young right now but I’m sure when she gets a little older she will want her dad just as much as her mom. I would say feeling this guilt is a normal reaction for someone who would like to help but feels like they can’t. It can make you feel helpless. Maybe your partner can spend a night away from home, on her own and take a break and you could watch your daughter for the night! I’m sure she could use a good nights rest! I wish you the best with this and hope things get better for you soon!

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