Mortified that I made my house a biohazard *NSFW*

Ok so I went to the bathroom yesterday but it got clogged and I made a stupid decision of trying to use a large dove soap container head and try and get it out not only did it not work it just got inside the soap pump stick so I put it in a bag and threw it in the outside dumpster but I’m worried I didn’t wash my hands well enough between the tasks I did to throw it away because I was rushing and probably/most likely didn’t use enough soap or wash long enough and I was touching doorhandles and I had to change clothes and shower and getting a bag for the stuff I’m worried I spread feral matter all over my house including bedrooms(like mine),my kitchen, my little cousins’ toys which are in the hallway I could’ve bumped into them or gotten fecal matter on them and this could get them ill when they come back over. Or worse my kitchen where we make food which could everyone in my family or guests sick I have had mini panic attacks trying to comprehend everything that could’ve happened when I was cleaning up what happened and I thought about how I basically doomed my family I didn’t tell them because I thought I was overreacting and this would be ERP but I haven’t been able to get over it. I mean I sat on a chair in my kitchen and my clothes were not clean so now the chair and the two tables in my kitchen are infected since the chair touches them. I have thought of getting a cleaner to clean the house but I’m not sure how to prepare and I’m only 17 so I’d need to ask my parent but I don’t think I wanna tell them. The chair I know people sat in and my little brother and possibly dad used that restroom and I know I sprayed the bathroom with bleach but I didn’t wipe it up just has been sitting and I could’ve missed some spots. I’m just scared my house is infected and that I’m missing a key detail to add or a section of my house I didn’t clean and is really infected. I’m terrified to even step into that bathroom or my room or use the clothes I had on the floor that I stepped on after the bathroom thing before I showered. I’m worried me, my friends, my family (especially the kids) are going to get hepatitis, e-coli, or other fecal based diseases of infections and it will last in my house forever and it will be my fault. And I don’t know if I should tell anyone.

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12h

I understand how scary and annoying this spiraling is. First know that you're not alone! You wrote: "I thought I was overreacting and this would be ERP but I haven’t been able to get over it." Here's some clarification that might help you: successfully doing an ERP exercise is not about "getting over it." You aren't expected to feel totally fine with the exposure, and if you did, that would mean it wasn't difficult enough! ERP is about sitting with this exact discomfort that you're feeling without doing any compulsions. It's about continuing to live your life DESPITE the thoughts and the feelings. You don't have to get rid of the anxiety, you just have to prove that you can keep living even if you feel it. Right now you're trying to gain control and certainty by tracing your steps and asking for reassurance. The very act of writing down all the details in this post is the exact compulsion that you want to practice preventing. I know that's really hard! Of course I suggest working with a therapist if you're able to, because they can guide you through these exposures. I'm not a professional, but I can offer something you can try: rather than writing out what happened as a way to figure out if what you did was bad, try writing down the worst case scenario that you can imagine (not as a post on here, but in a personal notebook or text document that only you will read). Seriously! Really try to come up with the absolute worst outcome you can think of. Write about your family getting sick, or you eating contaminated food. Take the catastrophic thoughts that you're currently fighting against, and make them into a story. Then read it back to yourself, and allow yourself to feel whatever it makes you feel. It's okay if you feel anxious. You don't have to make yourself like the story. Your head will probably be flooded with intrusive thoughts, and that's ok too. Acknowledge the thoughts, let the thoughts be there, then bring your attention back to your feelings. If you don't fight the thoughts or feelings, eventually things will start to feel less intense. As soon as that happens, give yourself permission to put the story away and go do something fun. Play a game, eat a snack, whatever. You'll probably start thinking about this stuff again, and that's okay. Whenever you do, just bring your attention back to how you feel. Even if it's 100 times an hour. Eventually you'll learn that you don't have to push these feelings away. You'll be less afraid of feeling afraid. And ironically, it will make the thoughts and fears come up less often. Hope this helps.

Mortified that I made my house a biohazard NSFW

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