I know I shouldn’t confess to my fiance what thoughts I have because they’re intrusive and they would just hurt him. However, I feel like I did something wrong and he needs to know :/ I’m just wondering how to keep myself from needing to confess
Hi! I feel like we are in a similar boat :( I struggle with ROCD and it is hard!!! I have these kind of moments with my finace too. I have to remind myself, ocd targets things we care about most. It is targeting our relationships. We have horrible intrusive thoughts and we feel guilty. BUT they are just thoughts, we did not act on it. If we could chose thoughts, we would not chose these. You feel the need to confess because you feel like you did something wrong, but I promise you didn’t do anything wrong. This is what I am currently doing: I realized that confessing was a OCD compulsion for me. I have been working on it the last couple months. I have told my partner that my OCD is targeting things about our relationship and it is something I am working on. He is aware and has been very supportive with me starting therapy. Maybe explain to your fiance what you are feeling with ocd? But remember you did not act on these things and it is not your fault for having these thoughts!! Give yourself grace and kindness <3 take it one day at a time. You got this!
@jujubmo Have you ever convinced yourself that you did act on it? The other night I really freaked myself out with a memory of drinking with my roommate and it’s a while ago so I can’t remember it well. So I just had a “what if I did something wrong”
@jujubmo Thank you that’s very helpful:)
@Emmba YES! Sometimes I rethink a memory or a scenario so many times I do not know if it actually happened or what truly happened. If that night happened a while ago and you have been thinking about it a lot, no wonder the memory feels unclear. Have you asked your roommate about it?
@jujubmo No we don’t live together anymore and aren’t really that great of friends. I didn’t know if me texting her would be a compulsion or not
@jujubmo I just texted her and she said I didn’t do anything wrong lol
You're stuck on the idea that he needs to know. But you also state that you know they're intrusive and that they will hurt him. You need to lock into that final part. You need to know when it's your OCDs need to confess and when it's something legitimate you SHOULD share. You are not a bad person for keeping your intrusive thoughts to yourself.
I learned in a 12-step group to not make an amends if it will hurt someone. Confessing/apologizing for a thought is for whose benefit?
@Debee It’s hard because I get thoughts like he needs to know because what he he decided he doesn’t want to be with me. I’m so worried that I will or have done something wrong and I hate the thoughts I have about other people. I just think about if I told him the thoughts I have about other people he would be hurt and it makes me sad and feel guilty
You can’t control your thoughts. Not the ones that just pop into your head. It’s not actually about whether or not it would hurt him. It’s that they are just thoughts. You can confess things you actually do. Things that are your choice. But confessing every unwanted thought it actually bad for your ocd. It’s a compulsion. And you shouldnt do it because it feeds your ocd. Having intrusive thoughts is not a moral issue. Youve done nothing wrong by having ocd. Your choice comes in when you decide to respond. Responding with compulsions is a bad choice.
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