Life's cycles and my BAPTISM!!!

A comment I had made to someone's post. It always seems like life is a cycle and it never stops bringing something up, but I take it as a challenge. God has a plan for you, not to bring you down, but to strengthen you and bring you up ❤️✝️ So for me after my depression and anxiety it was... Trichotillomania! I was admitted 14 times to the psych unit and once for 3 months in a residential. I turned 12 years old the first time at the unit while I was in there. My last admittion was Feb 2025, in the middle of my stay at the residential. I started to look to the psych unit as an escape. I used to not be able to go 1-2 months w/o being admitted either voluntarily or by a baker-act. And guess what? I haven't gone in over 1 year and 2 months!!! Ever since I could remember, I used to hurt myself when I was overwhelmed. I think my first memory of self inflicted pain was when I was 4, on my bed, while my parents were yelling at me for something and I was curled up into a ball, and so I bit my bent knee. Not enough to make myself bleed, no, but enough to make me feel grounded. As soon as I bit, that made me feel some sort of high that I can only explain as feeling calm and distracted, which, for a 4 year old, I didnt know better and although it hurt, it felt good for me. Then at around 10-11 years of age, I started to bite my hands, my fingers. Then at 11 and 12 (a few months b4 I first got into the unit) I started to make a fist and punch my head. If im correct, the first time was because I couldn't wear a skirt that I had gotten as a gift that my grandma gave me, and because I started to hit myself because I was overwhelmed, the skirt ended up getting cut up into pieces by my grandmother who gave it to me. I have an amazing relationship w my grandma, and looking back it was right for her to have done that because yeah, i pretty much hit myself cus of the skirt 🫤. I was pissed and overwhelmed, and that was maybe the first time that I hit myself for self punishment and not to calm myself down (although it also included me doing it cus I was overwhelmed). Then a 3 days b4 I got into the ward for the first time in early June 2022, I self injured myself by scratching at my skin with my nails (honestly nubs because I tend to bite off my nails) and that made my skin burn off and has left some scars (which I'll talk abt later!). Then maybe mid 2024, in the beginning of my freshman school year, I started to cut. I used to consider myself a coward because I was scared to cut, but once I got into it... I wouldn't, couldn't stop. Instead of waiting for me to get triggered and then cut, I would get out in the middle of class and take up 30 min of my education time to cut and cut nonstop. Once, our class and school was randomly picked out of my county district, to have a search. I had a pack of razors in my pocket and hid it into my backpack when police and security strode into my math class. I was so terrified because they searched our backpacks and searched us and our pockets and jackets and waterbottles with metal detectors. I have no idea how I didnt get caught. I was so obsessed with the cutting that I would do it nonstop as a preventative measure, to be calm all day, and I would cut stars and words and letters into myself. Whenever I would get admitted again, (i was already a well known veteran at this point at the unit) the staff would laugh along with me at my art, the scabs and scars of stars and hearts and bows cut into my thighs. I would be on social media all the time like Tumblr and be on those communities too. And wpd and other gore sites too, sadly. But back to the scars thing, early April of 2025, I went to church again. And for me, it felt like the first time but id been to other churches before. And that night I gave my life to Jesus. And I cant say ive never looked back, but ive stayed strong. That summer, i went to youth camp. And i got baptized! Not gonna lie, I thought I was going to come out crying and super happy and all new, but when I came out of that water, I felt numb. It wasnt until that night, that i was talking to a friend who'd gone through similar things as me and had gotten baptized a few years before, and she told me abt how she had scabs healing when she went in the water. Then once she rose from that water, once she got baptized, she had absolutely no scabs or scars on her. So then i had the urge to get up and go to the bathroom. And I did, and when I looked down, guess what? All my scars were gone. I had been washed clean. Jesus forgave me when I gave my life to Him, and once I made that public proclamation of my faith by my baptism, I was outwardly saved too! Saying this, God is faithful and ik that He has worked through you too. Im praying for God to show you the way through your dermatoillomania. There is forgiveness and salvation in Jesus and Jesus only. AMEN!!!