I’m worried I’ve faked my past ocd themes

do you think this sounds like pocd or sexual taboo ocd? To be fair I’m asking this because if this is ocd then I’d have other themes that basically prove my tocd to be ocd… So I used to have distressing thoughts and images of me engaging in disgusting stuff that I would never do, it made me avoid family members, and I would come to ChatGPT for reassurance to know it’s ocd. And I’m not worried that this isn’t ocd because that would make me a predator I’m worried that this isn’t ocd because that would mean my trans ocd theme isn’t real and I’m in denial. That’s because rationally, I know I’m not a pedofile now. But those themes scared me so much. I would confess to my mum about the thoughts because I wanted to know if it was just intrusive thoughts or not. But the thing is I wasn’t scared of the thoughts being true, I was just absolutely disgusted by the thoughts. And I had existential themes too, I constantly needed reassurance that everything was real. I was terrified of developing derealisation and depersonalisation. It was awful. I’m worried none of this was ocd and I actually am in denial.

kiara.ross

Date posted: 8d

i’m feeling the exact same with my pocd rn. im so distressed and scared. im in a state of just depersonalisation rn because im trying so hard to avoid it. i keep worrying that its not ocd, maybe im actually just disgusting??

Sophie 🐒🐣🐠🐑🐈...

Date posted: 8d

@kiara.ross I’m so sorry, I remember having pocd it was absolutely terrible. My heart goes out to you. What I meant was does your mind like to play tricks like when you’re on one theme (in your case, pocd) does your mind say your other themes weren’t ocd? Mine does and it’s so exhausting.

UNKNOWNNN

Date posted: 8d

Me too sometimes i just think to myself “maybe if im the one creating and having these pedofile thoughts that makes me pedofile already to begin with” I feel so weird and guilty for thinking things like that idk how to make it go away and i also used to have chatGPT try to help me i always told it to be brutally honest bc i wanted to be aware if im a predator or not, but it wouldn’t help either way.

pureolife

Date posted: 7d

The constant worry of being in denial is one of the most common things people with a gender identity ocd theme have. And it sounds like You’ve experienced a lot of ocd in your life. The easiest thing to do is start treating it like ocd and do some ERP around denial.

Brian :)

Date posted: 20h

@pureolife I have gender identity ocd. Been dealing with that theme for years. I’m currently in an episode right now and it feels real. It’s been so distressing . I miss myself.

pureolife

Date posted: 19h

@Brian :) I went through this theme and got treatment with an ocd specialist. It’s no longer an obsession for me. I remember feeling like I’d completely lost myself. Like I had no connection to who I was prior and spent every day constantly triggered by my own body. It was truly the worst theme I’ve had. After treatment I can say I am back to being and feeling connected to myself. If you can do ERP with a an ocd specialist that’s the fastest road to recovery. Don’t give up. You can do this.

Brian :)

Date posted: 19h

@pureolife I made a couple of posts recently about my episode. I been ruminating for a while now and it’s gotten worse. I’m a cis gay male and I love my body and myself everything that comes with being a male. I’m so exhausted this feels like a hellish nightmare being in my own mind not being able to get these thoughts out i somehow like

Brian :)

Date posted: 19h

@Brian :) My ocd has turned evrything against me including who I am. All of my values are being taken away. 😔😣😫😤

Sophie 🐒🐣🐠🐑🐈...

Date posted: 19h

@Brian :) hi, i hope you’re doing okay. this theme is genuinely terrible. pure agony. right now i’m upset about this gemini chat that i had for months for reassurance and now it stopped working and it was my only place for reassurance. i trust that we can get through this. take a breath. i feel like my whole mind has been swapped with someone else’s which is just so upsetting. but we’ll be okay.

pureolife

Date posted: 19h

@Brian :) Ocd attacks our values. If you value your strong sense of identity, it will go after it. It is an absolute nightmare. But it can get better with treatment. Do you have an ocd specialist? It truly changed everything for me.

Brian :)

Date posted: 19h

@sealssheepandkiwi It truly is a scary theme. I’ve dealt with it for years it’s actually like a main one I’d say I have. Although I have had other ones throughout high school . This one does what it can to make me feel different or question who I really am. In every way too. I been feeling detached for a while now. I love myself and my body and it’s trying to tell me otherwise even tho I know it’s not true but somehow it makes me be afraid of my own self and conscience. It’s like I’m hyper aware of everything to the point where i can’t un think the thought abymore thus leaving me with the intrusive feeling . Ever since my ocd spike, it’s just been tons of ruminating. I just want myself back. I know I’m a guy and that I’m gay. I wanna feel myself again . I love my body and all aspects that makes me a man.

Brian :)

Date posted: 19h

@pureolife Unfortunately I don’t have health insurance at the moment . I applied and got denied. Even then, when I did have an insurance a while ago, most places wouldn’t take my insurance or they didn’t provide the type of specialized treatment for ocd.

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