High risk pregnancy; need encouragement

I’m 25 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My husband and I wanted this and were SO excited to meet our little girl. At our 20 week scan, we found out baby has holes in her heart, which will definitely require open heart surgery within her first six months of life, and mild to moderately enlarged brain ventricles, which may mean she will have developmental and cognitive delays. Also found out this past week that she’s measuring small and is high risk for being stillborn. She has no chromosomal deletions or additions, but we’re still waiting on other genetic test results. This has been the worst month of my entire life. The levels of rumination that I had at the peak of my OCD five years ago are back with a vengeance. It feels like nothing will ever be good again. I am so terrified and I don’t know how to not be terrified, for her, for me. The heart surgery isn’t even scary for me anymore because that’s something that can be fixed; there are good outcomes for her particular defect. Instead I’m so scared that her ventricles won’t resolve and that she’ll be intellectually disabled. I don’t want to terminate; I love her already and I know logically that I can handle caring for a kid with special needs. I can advocate for her and get her interventions and push her to do all she can. But I’m so scared and sad for her and desperately want something to DO. The only thing I can do right now is terminate, so I’m fixating on it and obsessing over whether I need to do it, if it’s what my doctors expect me to do, if I’ll regret it if I don’t. I don’t want to regret her. I don’t want to look at her and only see her disability. I knew abstractly that my child would have challenges in her life. Everyone does. But right now ALL I know about her is that she will have challenges, that she may not be capable of reading the books I wanted to share with her or going to college or living an independent life. And all I see on social media is people saying how miserable their lives are as a caretaker for their kid with special needs. Really seeking encouragement right now. I know it will be difficult if she has intellectual disabilities. I know it will be a long path. But this is the hand I’ve been dealt and I want to be brave, because I want her and I already love her.