ROCD -long one I’m sorry 😔 thoughts?

I’ve never felt very “loved” by my husband and lately it’s caused me to not be in the mood for sex. I told them I wasn’t in the mood when they tried starting it the other night, which I never do and I feel bad for it of course bc I’m always in the mood, except for when these thoughts are so loud I can’t block them out. In the past I could tell it wasn’t as enjoyable for him it seemed if I just pushed past it and did it anyways so the other night as hard as it was for me I said I wasn’t in the mood. Anyways, my main concern here is idk how to handle this now that I know I have ROCD. Every time I think abt talking to him about how I feel, I don’t, because I’m not sure if it’s a compulsion or seeking reassurance, or if this is anything, or if I should just ignore it? That night he just said ok, I noticed I felt like I wanted to explain why but wasn’t sure if that was ok or not so I just went to sleep as did he after rolling over n not engaging at all with me after I said that, which hurt. I wanted to say it’s because that’s the only time he’s affectionate or even touches me is when he wants sex so it makes me feel like he doesn’t really like me like that so I’m thinking that the whole time he starts touching me. I don’t know if sharing all that with him is good though. Idk I’m just all over confused i don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore I just don’t know how to do anything in my relationship now bc idk what’s ocd and what’s not… also, I’ve always struggled with him not being as affectionate as I’d like and we’ve always tried working on this in the past but it’s never really affected our sex life id say but also I feel like I’m just tired of never feeling loved in our relationship but don’t really know what to do about it if we’ve already tried addressing it and it’s just how he is or bc he’s too shut down bc of life? I also love him and want him happy and feel that means he’s not but when I address that he says he is it’s just when he’s stressed but what he fails to realize is this is all the time it seems. Unless I say something then he starts being more affectionate for a little while then back to normal in a few weeks. So over the past few years I’ve just tried to live with it instead of ever bringing it up & it’s just slowly become comfortable not being affectionate for him it seems but I’m still hurting n needing it.