I need to vent

I’ve been having a lot of intrusive thoughts lately and I feel really overwhelmed by them. I keep getting thoughts that I might be bisexual or lesbian, even though I don’t want that and it scares me. When I think about it or try to tell myself I’m straight, I sometimes get strong physical reactions like my heart feeling heavy, my face feeling hot, or feeling anxious and panicky. Sometimes I also notice things about girls and then I get confused and start overthinking it. It doesn’t feel good or natural it feels scary and uncomfortable, and then I start questioning what it means about me. I also get intrusive thoughts that make me doubt my feelings for my boyfriend. Sometimes I feel numb and like I don’t feel love for him, even though I want to and it worries me a lot. I also get stuck in a cycle where I try to figure out what everything means, but the more I try to understand it, the worse and more anxious I feel. I end up feeling empty, overwhelmed, and confused about myself and my feelings. I cried a lot recently because I feel like I can’t trust my thoughts. I really want these thoughts to go away and to feel normal again. I don’t want to keep overthinking or doubting myself like this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h

I want through much of this when I was younger. I know just how you feel. I know it’s difficult.

Rosick

Date posted: 15h

@Anonymous Did you feel like your feelings are real?😢

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

When I had the thought “what if I’m wrong about my sexuality?” I was filled with terrible anxiety and couldn’t stop asking myself a million questions about it. What if I’m lying to muse and others? what if I’m not actually straight? I hyper focused on everything and also wondered if I felt anything if a woman would accidentally brush against my hand when I passed her something like a pen, or something like that. I was brought to tears thinking about it. So of course it all felt terrifying and “real”. I had to tell myself, as my life goes on, I will find out naturally. If I can let it go and just let my life unfold as it should, I will have my answer. Eventually I stopped thinking about it. It’s really not my theme anymore. But at the time I was having a full breakdown over it.

Rosick

Date posted: 14h

@Anonymous How did you deal with it ? Did you have like weird scenarios about a girl to test it’s real and you feel like it’s real but not in a good way? I’m sorry for asking too much

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

@Rosick Yes, I eventually made a deal with myself that I had the rest of my life to find out naturally. Then I put it down. But I spiraled about it a lot. I did imagine scenarios in my head, then I’d spiral more. There’s no way out of it until you make that deal with yourself to put it down. Despite feeling terrified. I’m not trying to give you too much reassurance but just because something feels scary, that’s not a fool proof indication that it’s true. Are you in therapy?

Rosick

Date posted: 14h

@Anonymous Not yet, I’m so worried and scared that all of this is true and I don’t want that at all. I hate this so much and I hate how it feels so real 😢but thank you for not making me feel alone💚

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

@Rosick NOCD has payment plans too! Very affordable.

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

No problem. You should consider therapy. All the questions you have for me, your therapist already knows how to help you with this.

Buttons B

Date posted: 14h

LGBT+ here. It’s super distressing when your identity feels under attack from your own brain. I won’t tell you if you “are” or “aren’t” any gender or sexuality but I can tell you that you’re under zero obligation to ever label yourself as something you don’t want to be labeled or do something you don’t want to do - even if other people might handle the exact same circumstances differently or call themselves different things. Your life, your values. In my experience, ironically, it’ll become more obvious who you are the less you fixate on it.

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