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I want through much of this when I was younger. I know just how you feel. I know it’s difficult.

LGBT+ here. It’s super distressing when your identity feels under attack from your own brain. I won’t tell you if you “are” or “aren’t” any gender or sexuality but I can tell you that you’re under zero obligation to ever label yourself as something you don’t want to be labeled or do something you don’t want to do - even if other people might handle the exact same circumstances differently or call themselves different things. Your life, your values. In my experience, ironically, it’ll become more obvious who you are the less you fixate on it.

When I had the thought “what if I’m wrong about my sexuality?” I was filled with terrible anxiety and couldn’t stop asking myself a million questions about it. What if I’m lying to muse and others? what if I’m not actually straight? I hyper focused on everything and also wondered if I felt anything if a woman would accidentally brush against my hand when I passed her something like a pen, or something like that. I was brought to tears thinking about it. So of course it all felt terrifying and “real”. I had to tell myself, as my life goes on, I will find out naturally. If I can let it go and just let my life unfold as it should, I will have my answer. Eventually I stopped thinking about it. It’s really not my theme anymore. But at the time I was having a full breakdown over it.

No problem. You should consider therapy. All the questions you have for me, your therapist already knows how to help you with this.