I've had the feeling before of like maybe this isn't ocd and im just lying etc bc ofc everyone with ocd questions their ocd but genuinely when I say the severity of my questioning and how much I think im not ocd and want this and am a vile monster is genuinely getting so intense like im absolute petrified and I feel so disgusting and evil. I dont know how much more real it can 'get' before I just am a monster bc i already feel like one.
Cross the bridges when you get there, not before. I seriously doubt a "monster" fears becoming one. Something that helped me long ago was accepting that the panic and fear came from the thoughts/feelings being so anti my core values.
But there must be atleast a few bad people who dont wanna be right
@ilbgm Maybe. Anything is possible.
@Javi_B Thanks...
We all have our on inner monster, demons, or what ever you may call it. Just understand that for now. It is a part of you and you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. Love yourself and be kind to yourself also.
I feel this 10000%. A lot of the time I think "No this is just who I am, that's why it feels so awful." Here's an excerpt from an OCD worksheet that I found helpful that I hope can provide some context for you as well: OCD tempts you with the illusion of providing a solution to the obsessional doubt. Everything would be so much better if only you could do the ritual and solve the problem. But that feeling is going to be very short-lived. You will get in fact the opposite of what the OCD is promising, because giving in to the OCD is like giving in to someone shouting orders at you. Initially you feel less stressed. But one thing should be clear: doing the action does not make you less stressed, it makes you more stressed out. You only feel better because you have given in to a screaming bully, and if you do as the bully says he or she stops screaming for a short while, but of course in the long run- you reinforce the bully.
We’re all a little bit Beauty and a little bit Beast! It’s Ok.
Its not ok in THIS case. This is the worst thing ever
@ilbgm if you can go into a little more detail as to why you think you are a monster?
@U+2623 Because I have the most disgusting thoughts every day
@ilbgm - I've heard a lot about OCD over the past few months and one of the big things with it is that it's "ego-dystonic," it can obsess over thoughts that go against your core values and ideals I can definitely understand the fear that thoughts like these make you a bad person (I sometimes have vile thoughts and obsessions too) but the fact that the thoughts disturb you means that you do have morals and care about them, it's just that the obsession itself makes you doubt that
@ilbgm if you don't want to have those thoughts and they make you uncomfortable and guilty you are having intrusive thoughts, one of OCDs biggest symptoms is intrusive thoughts, including ones that go against core values, like thoughts about murdering people, raping people, sexually assaulting friends family and strangers, some even have intrusive thoughts about kids and animals. It's all ocd, not the person
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