Friendship

Hi guys just curious if anyone else goes through this. Idk if this is ocd or what it is. I feel like I don’t know or how to do or have friendships “correctly”. I find that I tend to need all of my relationships to be very close and I can’t have like different friends in friendship levels that aren’t just close friends. But not only that I tend to want to get close to someone immediately. I feel like most of the people I know tend not to think they aren’t close to someone until they’ve been friends for a few years. Whereas I feel like someone is my best friend after like five minutes. Yet I never feel connected because I feel like no one perceives me or likes me the amount that I like them. And then I tend to think that after a few months people are supposed to be amazing to one another (me and a friend) yet when those expectations aren’t met I’m like okay so we aren’t close and they don’t like me. I thought it was normal to be like besties after a few weeks of knowing someone but now I’m thinking that it’s not 😂. I just feel like I don’t know how to make friends, especially slowly and casually. I want to know everything about someone immediately and want them to know everything about me. I don’t know how to slowly learn about someone and build that relationship overtime. I could say so much more but this is already a lot so to be continued 😂

dannybananny

Date posted: 18h

I can definitely relate to some of the things you’ve mentioned. I’ve got borderline personality disorder and autism (on top of social anxiety) so I struggle with socializing a LOT. I also like to get very close with people very fast. Don’t waste my time lol, I wanna be friends with you!! It’s also very easy to get categorized as a bestie to me. Just like you described, they don’t usually feel the same way! In fact I try not to judge the “level” of friendship I have with any given person because I feel like it pushes too much pressure and anxiety onto me. And I struggle a lot with black and white thinking when it comes to relationships and how I view people specifically (for example, I didnt see my partner today, she must not have wanted to make the time for me because she doesn’t actually like me, thoughts like that) Not sure if you’ve heard of “limerance” or if that would be something you relate to at all. You definitely didn’t describe it in your post but it’s something I struggle with in relationships. It’s been a big challenge for me. Hope you know I don’t say any of this thinking you have what I have… just that you’re not alone! Socializing is weird and

dannybananny

Date posted: 18h

@dannybananny Oops… socializing is weird and since there’s no rules… it’s just plain hard sometimes. Even if you can’t resonate with anything I described, like I said, you are certainly not alone in these feelings.

Flappy duck

Date posted: 15h

@dannybananny Thank you for sharing your experience with me! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in those feelings. I also have anxiety, depression and the one I think makes socializing so hard for me ADHD. I haven’t looked into limerence but now I will to see what it is and if I relate to it at all. But yeah I think having ADHD in combination with OCD makes socializing so fucking hard for me because my whole life I was taught that there are rules for how to create and keep friendships but then also taught there’s no rules and everyone’s different. I feel like my life is filled with contradictions which makes shit sooooo hard.

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