compulsions

A compulsion is something you do when you have an anxiety about something that causes you fear. For example, I compulsively wash my hands because of an obsession with germs still being on them. I have a compulsion of counting things, a lot of things in my mind like when I am bathing or cleaning. I’m not sure why I do that and I try to stop myself, but it has became a habit over the years. And then I feel like I have to count to a certain number or it’s bad if I don’t. It’s crazy I know. But it’s like your brain is telling you have to do the compulsion to make yourself feel better about whatever it is that you are fearful of. But it never wins. It’s just the same cycle over and over. But like anything else, it can be controlled with self discipline and patience.

My compulsions are similar to mental tourettes syndrome. Crazy intrusive thoughts or phrases that make absolutely no sense.

For me, mental compulsions are tied to my health OCD, so I’m constantly checking or sort of scanning my body for signs of illness or health concerns. Any time I feel any kind of possible symptom or anything that feels “off” in some way, I will scan the rest of my body for anything else that feels off to “confirm” that something is wrong and put a ton of thought towards the symptom (real or imagined) and what I think is wrong. Sometimes this turns into obsessive googling or researching health conditions, although not always.

Another form of compulsions is feeling the need to do daily things a certain specific way, creating rules for yourself in normal daily tasks that shouldn’t have rules, etc. For example, for me, there is a “right and wrong” way to put on an outfit for the day, the order in which to scrub my face, how to eat a sandwich, which chips I eat first, the way my socks are put on, etc etc. You are so strong for deciding to go on this journey to discover yourself and the way that your mind works!

I also have a compulsion of reading the same thing over and over even on this forum. I will read the same sentence and it has to be like four times but then I’ll go another four times, I mean it never ends. It seems all this is rooted in fear and doubt. If you can get rid of those, then you can get rid of the compulsion. But it’s not easy. I read where “fear not” is said 110 times in the Bible. There are numerous scriptures on anxiety and fear. It’s just hard to put all that into practice and just trust the Lord by giving it to Him. I also want to go back all the time wishing I had done this or that and even going back to what I just did and asking myself why did I not do that or why did I do it? Self-discipline has never been my strong suit. But I know that’s what it takes to control this and not let it control us. Life is not easy. But I think therapists if they’re good therapists and I prefer Christian ones can give us the tools we need to help beat it or calm it down at least. Prayers for all of us.. 🙏🏻❤️