Reclaiming life from OCD: AMA with Mackenzie Nordone

@afriedrick I am struggling with the same 🩷 I used to find peace in prayer, but my mind is struggling to believe in the power of prayer which is making me feel guilty

@rivendell I feel you. But don't stop. What I've been trying to do is just pause wait till the sensations in my body can calm down first and then I'll pray from the heart because I remember what that's like before OCD flared up in my life and became a bigger issue. I don't like try to panic and pray at the same time I give myself to breathe for a minute and sometimes I'll just say the name of Jesus before I can actually talk.

@afriedrick My problem is I have religious psychosis OCD. Have you struggled with that at all?

@rivendell Hi! Can you explain what this is please? Thanks!

@rivendell Like you're afraid to get psychosis?

What do you struggle with? You sound a lot like me , I am also Christian..we should talk!! Xo

@WorriedMamasita Harm OCD and and scrupulosity! Also a mama over her I saw you have 6 kids ❤️

@afriedrick Same!..can we private message on this app?

@afriedrick Yes, it’s still kind of difficult for me to talk about, but that is a fear of mine

@WorriedMamasita I don't think so but I do have a Facebook you can find my name under there it's Amanda Friedrick

@rivendell I've been there so you're not the only one who has thought that way.

@WorriedMamasita Also same here! Happy to chat.

@rivendell @afriedick,@rivendell and @WorriedMamasita. I have experienced all the same. I have had OCD for over 30 years

Wow, I deal with all the same things…right now. It’s brutal. I’m a Christian too.

@abenz34 What has helped you the most?

@Love animals What has helped you all these years?

@afriedrick I’m in the heat of it right now so it’s hard to say…but some things that do help are pausing, deep breathing, counting to 10 and paying attention to my 5 senses. Knowing this too shall pass. I’m in a program right now and I didn’t give into an urge - this guy said that it’s a victory that I didn’t act on the urge. So like small victories. Idk, still figuring it out lol.

@afriedrick I take clompromine daily. Also I have been in therapy several years ago. Got better then had a set back. I try to deal with it on my own. It helps to know I am not alone. Have good days and bad days.

@abenz34 Like didn't act on a compulsion?

@afriedrick I was too scared to go to church on Sunday :( it’s frustrating because I never had issues before.. but my DPDR episode caused a spike in my existential anxiety

@Hello777 It’s basically just a fear of losing touch with reality, which is kind of hard for me to talk about still, so I’m so sorry I can’t elaborate further 😓

@rivendell Sorry what is DPDR?

@afriedrick depersonalization/derealization, it’s a form of dissociation - basically you don’t feel real, people around you feel like a figment of your imagination, your perception of the world looks fake I guess you could say? I triggered it from taking acid in 2020 and it just comes with panic attacks now, unfortunately, which is where my fear of psychosis started

@rivendell Well let me encourage you by saying at least you're not taking the acid anymore and I think it created some PTSD in your brain and OCD latches onto that. When I have high anxiety and my nervous system is just shot, I deal with both of those. I hate the feeling, but the less I try avoid everything, it lifts more. I'm probably getting on medication soon but I've been taking some supplements that help calm me down a little that maybe you could try. I take Magnesium Glycinate at night Nature Made Stress Relief Gummies My Mood Myo-Inisitol Gummies And I take saffron tea at night although I'm trying saffron supplements soon in place of that. I'm praying for you ❤️

I've similar experiences. Erp has been helping me. I've also tried rebuking stuff but with OCD it doesn't seem to work. Erp is what I'm working with at present.

@afriedrick Thank you so much. Definitely, I have been sober for the past 2 years. I used to really be into New Age before I found God during that acid trip and I feel like those teachings bring you so out of your body and make you feel disconnected. It definitely doesn’t help with DPDR. So, I’ve tried the Magnesium Glycinate gummies but they had me wired awake all night for 3 nights the last time I took them. I was sleeping but my mind was awake? I started taking half a 100mg tab of Suntheanine L-Theanine. It helps with mental calmness and relaxation and it has helped me. If you’re open to it, you should check it out. I hear saffron is great! I’ve been meaning to check it out thank you. I’m praying for you too. I like to remind myself “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” We will get through this 🩷

Holy shit. Is this a thing experienced this for the first time last night with a new theme. Felt like I was out of my damn mind. 😭

@BlueSparklessz Yes this!

Yes this too!

Sometimes when your mind finally gets a break, OCD jumps in with that “wait, what about this?” feeling. It can create a spike of anxiety right when you were actually starting to relax. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong, it’s just the pattern OCD is used to. What helps over time is not treating that feeling like something you have to fix or figure out. Let it be there, and gently come back to whatever you were doing. And yes, it can get a lot quieter. The more you stop engaging with it, the less power it tends to have.

@Mackenzie - NOCD Team Member Yep. I struggle with this. And I this approach can work, . I think n its good to acknowledge it when it does.

I’m really sorry you’re going through that. That feeling can be so unsettling, especially when it seems to come out of nowhere after things had been feeling more stable. It can really feel like everything has reset, but a moment like this doesn’t erase the work you’ve done. Progress with OCD and panic isn’t linear, and spikes like this can happen even after long stretches of feeling okay. Remember that those feelings and thoughts, as intense and convincing as they are, are temporary. That sense of “I’ll never feel calm or safe again” can feel very real in the moment, but it’s often part of the panic itself, not something permanent.

Yes I'm hesitant to tell people at church because they don't understand.

This is so real. OCD can be really hard to explain, especially to people who haven’t experienced it. There are definitely moments where I can tell it’s not fully landing, or it’s being misunderstood in some way. What helps me is remembering that OCD is nuanced, and most people just don’t have the context yet. It usually takes time and repetition for it to really click. I try to keep it simple, use real examples, and not put pressure on myself to explain it perfectly. And if I do feel misunderstood, I remind myself that it doesn’t take away from what I’m actually experiencing.

@Mackenzie - NOCD Team Member That is going to be so helpful for me as well! Thank you so much

@rivendell Following so I can see answer

@rivendell Second this!

When you’re constantly fighting intrusive thoughts, it makes sense that your brain just feels done by the end of the day. Avoidance can start to feel like the only way to get a break. Something I come back to is this: OCD is hard, and ERP therapy is hard. But one has a purpose, and one keeps me stuck. Avoidance might feel better in the moment, but it usually makes things heavier over time. ERP is uncomfortable, but it’s actually what helps loosen OCD’s grip. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing either. Even small steps out of avoidance count, especially on the days where you feel drained.

I use avoidance too

This is such an honest question, and you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. ERP can feel really intense at times, especially in the beginning. What motivated me, and still does, is wanting to be the best version of myself and not project my compulsions onto the people around me. OCD doesn’t just affect you, it can spill into your loved ones too, and that really matters to me. Therapy isn’t about making it painless, but it is about making it doable. A good therapist will help you go at a pace that challenges you without completely overwhelming you. During the process, it can help to focus less on getting rid of the anxiety and more on allowing it to be there without reacting the usual way. Simple things like slowing down, noticing what’s happening, and staying with the moment can take the edge off just enough. It’s not easy, but it does get more manageable over time. I found that the discomfort in therapy is what opened the door to feeling a lot more free in my actual life.

Yeah, that feeling comes up for a lot of people. ERP is really effective, but it also takes effort, and it’s normal to feel tired of doing it sometimes. What helps is remembering why you’re doing it in the first place. Not to do ERP perfectly, but to get your life back from OCD little by little. On the harder days, it can be about keeping things simple and doable, not all or nothing. Even small moments of responding differently still count. And giving yourself some compassion goes a long way too. It’s okay for this to feel tiring sometimes, it doesn’t mean it’s not working.

OCD doesn’t just create fear, it creates doubt, especially around the things that matter most to you. It will always try to convince you that the worst-case scenario is the one you need to focus on. What’s tricky is that it can make trust feel like something you have to figure out or prove to yourself before you can move forward. Over time, it becomes less about finding certainty and more about being willing to move forward without it. That’s where trust starts to build. Not because you’ve proven OCD wrong, but because you’re not letting it make every decision for you anymore.

This is such a frustrating experience, and a really common way OCD shows up. What helped me understand this is realizing it’s not about proving it to myself over and over, it’s about being confident enough and comfortable enough to stop, even with that doubt still there. That might look like washing once, noticing the urge to go back and check, and choosing not to engage with it again. It’s uncomfortable at first, but that’s the part that actually helps retrain your brain over time.

@dianajt30 Im having trouble too

@Anonymous Me too

@Mercury75 Maybe tell them that no one is perfect and that at least their house is clean when you are there hahaha. I mean seriously, maybe tell them that you have come a long way and that their support and affirmation of this would be really helpful to you. And tell them to remember that maybe they have some things they do too that another person could criticize and that no one is completely perfect except for God! 🙏💖💖

First, I just want to say how big of a deal it is that you’ve gotten from severe to manageable. That takes a lot of work, and it deserves to be recognized. It also makes sense that this feels complicated. You can be proud of your progress and still feel hurt when the people around you don’t fully understand what it takes to get there. OCD isn’t something that just disappears completely, and having some symptoms doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means you’re continuing to live your life while managing it. There can also be this pressure to make sure OCD doesn’t affect anyone else, which can turn into another layer of guilt. But you’re allowed to be a human being who is still working through something, not someone who has to be symptom-free to keep others comfortable. It makes sense that their reactions impact you, especially when you’ve worked so hard. And at the same time, it doesn’t take away from the progress you’ve made or where you are now.

@Hello777 That's kind of you, thank you ❤️

@Mackenzie - NOCD Team Member Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, this means a lot to me ❤️

@Mercury75 You’re very welcome!! 🙏🌸

Even when you know better, it can still feel incredibly convincing in the moment to participate in a compulsion. A big part of the work is recognizing that urge for what it is, instead of something that actually needs to be acted on or solved. The thoughts and feelings can feel very personal, but they’re just part of the OCD pattern. OCD can make it feel safer to pull away, but that usually ends up making things feel heavier over time. What this really comes back to is the ongoing shift from reacting automatically to choosing how you want to respond, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Those thoughts of “this will never get better” are something a lot of people with OCD experience, especially when things feel this intense. They don’t feel like thoughts, they feel like facts. I always come back to this… I was in rock bottom’s basement. I truly didn’t think things could get better, let alone that I could feel like myself again. When I allowed myself to be uncomfortable and stopped trying to fight every thought and feeling, things started to shift. There is so much hope, even when you can’t see it yet. Wanting to feel like yourself again makes so much sense. That version of you isn’t gone, it just feels really far away right now. The way it feels in this moment isn’t how it will always feel, even if your mind is trying to convince you that it is.

Sometimes doing ERP means not responding in the way people expect, and that can lead to being misunderstood. Especially if they don’t fully understand OCD or what you’re working on. That can feel really uncomfortable, because you’re already doing something hard, and then there’s that added layer of how it might look to others. What it comes back to is that ERP is about changing your relationship with OCD, not managing how everyone else perceives it in every moment. Being misunderstood doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It’s often just part of doing something different than what OCD (and sometimes others) are used to.

This is such a tough feeling, and a really common one with OCD. OCD loves to pull us into the past and replay things over and over, trying to get certainty or “figure it out.” It rarely wants us present. When I notice that happening, I remind myself how much OCD has already taken from me. And the longer I stay stuck focusing on the past, the more it continues to take. It doesn’t make the feeling disappear right away, but it helps me stop feeding it and come back to what’s actually in front of me.

This is such a core part of OCD, and it’s something almost everyone struggles with when they start facing it. The fear can feel really intense, especially when you’re trying not to give in to the obsessions or compulsions the way you normally would. What shifts over time isn’t that the fear completely disappears first, it’s learning to put our values over our fears. Choosing what actually matters to us, even when fear is present. That’s really the work. Not waiting to feel ready, but building the ability to move forward anyway. And over time, that fear tends to lose some of its power.

This is such a common place to get stuck, especially with mental compulsions like memory review and false memory. It’s not really about “not caring” about the thoughts. It’s more about being willing to take the discomfort with you and not go back to try to solve it. Those urges to review or figure it out can feel really convincing, like there’s something important you need to get to the bottom of. But what keeps people stuck is going back into that loop over and over, trying to feel certain. The shift is allowing that uncertainty and discomfort to be there, without trying to clear it up, even when it feels unresolved.

This is such a tough spot to be in, especially when you care about them and also understand OCD yourself. It sounds like you’re trying to show up in a way that doesn’t feed the cycle, which is really hard when someone is asking for reassurance and getting upset when you don’t give it. OCD can make those “systems” feel helpful or necessary, even when they’re actually keeping someone stuck. And until someone is ready to see that for themselves, it can be hard to shift. There’s also that tension of wanting to support someone without getting pulled into the OCD with them. It makes sense that this feels complicated. You’re trying to take care of yourself and not reinforce something that you know can keep the cycle going.

This is such a real fear, especially when you’re about to take on something new and meaningful. OCD tends to latch onto the future and run through all the “what ifs,” trying to get certainty before anything has even happened. It rarely wants us present, it pulls us into trying to solve what hasn’t happened yet. So it makes a lot of sense your mind is going there with something like going back to school and working at the same time. Something I love reminding myself is that I can make the best decision in the moment with the information I have, instead of trying to predict or control everything ahead of time. That pull to figure it all out right now can feel really strong, but it doesn’t mean you actually have to.

@Mackenzie - NOCD Team Member Thank you! I’m having trouble finding the Q and A live video. Could you please provide a link?

This is such an overwhelming feeling, and a really common OCD experience. When it’s coming at you like that, it can feel like you need to slow it down or address each thought one by one just to get some relief. But OCD doesn’t really work that way. The more you try to keep up with it, the more it tends to throw at you. It can start to feel less like separate thoughts and more like just a wave of noise your mind is producing. Something I like to come back to is focusing on picking one thing to work on, instead of trying to handle everything at once. It takes some of the pressure off and helps you step out of that feeling of having to solve every thought that shows up.

@Mackenzie - NOCD Team Member Thank you I will try that 😁

That is a good question

It is important to remember that no matter how OCD shows up, the treatment remains the same. The content might feel different or more intense, but the pattern underneath it is still OCD. And it’s not about getting rid of the thoughts. That’s actually what can keep people stuck. It’s more about changing your relationship to them. Letting them be there without trying to figure them out, push them away, or make them mean something about you. That’s where people start to find peace, not because the thoughts disappear, but because they stop holding the same weight.

@vgb I was diagnosed 3 years ago at 57 and started ERP and never needed meds. I lived with OCD my whole life and glad ERP worked. My anxiety signs showed up more like anger and frustration rather than fear and panic. My health OCD theme has a hard time taking any meds cause it thinks all side effects apply to me.

@vgb I consider myself 92% recovered despite not being able to tolerate mental health meds. However, if I could tolerate them I wouldn't say no to the extra help personally!

@PatrickF Do you find you still struggle w ocd or is it in your rear view mirror? How long have you been in therapy with erp? Glad you were able to get diagnosed properly and I wonder why it took so long for your ocd to get recognized. You mayst have really struggled to get through it which shows how strong you are. I am glad you are feeling so much better😊👏🏻🥳

@Mercury75 Hi!!! Just wondering what recovery looks like for you and what steps did you take to get there and stay there? Any insights appreciated 😊😊😊😊🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

@vgb Lots of ERP over a long period of time! I still have obsessions and intrusive thoughts but they rarely bother me much (usually only when I'm very stressed). Even the obsessions/compulsions I do still have are not running my life anymore. Some people get to a point where they don't meet the diagnostic criteria for OCD anymore and I'm not quite there but I feel like I have a good handle on it now and that's more than I ever hoped. I'm not worried that it will ever get bad again because I know what it is and how to tackle it (ERP), unlike when it was super severe and I didn't even know I had OCD. I don't think anyone has ever managed to kick this thing for good but even severe cases like mine can get tremendously better.

@Mercury75 Thank you so much!!! I need to process all of this

@vgb Hi!!! You said lots of ERP over a long period of time. Can I ask if you worked only w NOCD therapists? Also what is a long period of time? Over the past few years i have worked w NOCD, but recently after a major flare up I reached out to a local CBT therapist which is in person. I felt like the NOCD therapy was feeling less effective and more like a chat. Not disparaging them because I think it’s a great platform. Just wondering what your experience was. I look forward to happy days💐☀️🥳

If he's in denial about it, I'm not sure how you would ever expect a therapist to correctly diagnose him. They're not miracle workers and for every diagnosis I've ever had, I had to bring a back history of supporting data to convince the medical professional that I likely had it, not the other way around. This issue seems like something your wife should be in counseling for, maybe there are some behaviors she's doing unconsciously while working the business together that make it a negative environment for him? 22 is young, it's pretty normal for young men to not want to listen to their mom comment on their life and work all day long, speaking from experience, and I love my mom and have a good relationship with her. This is likely deeper than just OCD, it's more like complex interpersonal issues from working with family. You could pull your son aside and ask for specifics too

@Anonymous - Thanks, appreciate the input. You certainly hit some key issues about their relationship. He is frustrated with her computer skills so he says that he is tired of explaining same things over and over. My wife admits PC skills are not her thing. But she is the one that has the business mindset that create the product idea my son said would not be worth making/selling. Chewy approached them to sell their product and my wife moved forward with minimal cost analysis and my son was not on board and they had to pull back when they realized it would not be profitable to do. He says she won't communicate and then gets upset with her when she asks him questions while he is working on what he deems is more important. It's been a frustration to see this unfold, I am not involved but it looks like I might need to help them here somehow. I have my own full job that as a network equipment engineer which my OCD just loves to spin in all the time. I am winning on that front and just don't want to see my son struggle with it if he has it too.

@PatrickF I mean it sounds like the son is being totally rational here and if he has to do a full job of teaching your wife computer skills while also trying to sell the product it's likely not going to be that profitable. He's already doing most of her job because she just had the idea, she has the business experience, but he has the know-how. They can both learn the other half, but if it's only profitable enough for one person, your wife's either going to have to learn all the computer skills on her own and your son will have to do something else, or she'll have to give the idea up to him to produce, but it doesn't sound like he really wants to. This is the main reason I don't want to work with family because work issues should stay work and family should stay separate, but when you start working together it doesn't work like that. It's not your boss telling you to clean the floor for example, it's your parent, which brings up like a decade or more of feelings about that situation. If you want to save their relationship, you're probably going to have to get involved and mediate it at least.

Someone commented here that they didn't have insurance and were upset about nocd not having options for them. I decided to write this detailed response and they deleted their original comment so I'm writing an explanation here and keeping my response up as it might help somebody else. The no insurance thing is 100% a real hurdle they likely can't help you with here. If you lost your job, can you get on ACA insurance? I wish there was more support for people that wasn't so expensive, but the systems that exist aren't designed to care about or help people who can't afford the premiums. I agree about SSRIs not working for everyone, none of them worked for me either, so I felt like writing a detailed response for you here. Unfortunately talk therapy is super expensive and I honestly didn't even notice it was helping at all until I was doing it three days a week for a year, and insurance was crazy expensive covering it too. I thought I would start feeling way better by now, but you eventually start realizing that no amount of talking about these problems can really fix them, the main benefit from therapy is consistency and learning some initial key strategies for your own ocd issues and getting the negative emotions out of your system temporarily, talking about them in detail, and working through solutions for them. You won't even really learn anything new during many sessions, those get taken up by new stressful stuff that comes up in your life that you need to deal with. If you pay $1,000 out of pocket for a month of therapy it probably won't help you as much as a really good friend and a bunch of books. Because what actually helps is the repeated action of being willing to confront these issues and actually address them them so that they hurt less and distract your life less. There are a lot of peer reviewed reading resources about exposure response therapy, including the DSM-V itself, as well as thousands of hours of YouTube videos from therapists talking about this stuff: seek them out and read them for yourself to find out how it works and how to do it. An Ai made me a detailed psychology reading list of books and top rated resources in 30 seconds, and I've hardly even started it. The knowledge is in the books and online for free too, and that's where all the therapists that exist learned it as well. Their own life experience, the therapeutic relationship, and their empathy is really what you're paying for. Getting empathy from someone close to you without seeking reassurance is something that can be taught, so if you have anyone close to you in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about intense topics you could do some cooperative therapeutic work with them, just make sure that they're not reassuring your compulsions while they're doing it and make sure you're giving it back to them at the same amount so it doesn't become negative. I didn't have anyone like that in my life so I had to get a therapist. I like my therapist here and we covered a lot of ground but he hasn't magically accomplished anything life changing for me, and I'd lose them immediately if I didn't have insurance, so it's not a permanent relationship you can benefit from either. The main draw was the consistency of dealing with problems head on and getting them out of my head. Hopefully this helps you or someone else reading this, good luck!

@Jewelsandgems Esp womens health clinics!