ROCD and finding a forever partner/marraige

How can someone with ROCD get engaged/married when they want to be 100% about their partner, but can’t be. I understand OCD wants us to have 100% certainty, and I understand we can’t fully achieve that. That stresses me out because I want to marry someone I’ll be with forever, and not have to worry about “what if I married the wrong person” and so on. When it comes to my girlfriend of 4 years, I don’t know how to differentiate between general relationship concerns/doubts and concerns/doubts that stem from OCD. I want to be married someday, but it worries me that I have the doubts that it could be the wrong person/relationship due to a lack of excitement and becoming complacent, and I don’t know if it is coming from my OCD or if it’s a general relationship concern. Does anyone have experience or advice on this situation?

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

it’s all about finding the right person. i’m in a relationship and i live with ROCD which my boyfriend knows about. he allows me to work out my thoughts and has always been there for me. one of my biggest fears is that i don’t actually love him because when i have a thought i don’t feel lovey dovey 100% of the time. i’ve confessed this to him before and he was like “that’s normal” if someone loves you, they are willing to stay by you. you can find the right person

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous I get that too. She has always been understand and helpful with my OCD and that’s something I really love about her. But I still doubt that our relationship is what is meant forever, and I just can’t figure out if it’s my ocd putting weight on it, genuine desire concerns, or maybe a combination of both. It worries me too because she is so good with my OCD, but if she’s not the one I end up with, then I worry that I lose something so good because she was so good with my struggles. I think everything over arches from the topic of marriage, and I wonder if I put too much weight on “the perfect match”, or if my concerns about our complacency and lack of excitement are actually valid.

dp4ever

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

I have ROCD and just got engaged. Let me tell ya my OCD does not like this. Currently its obsessions all day long. I know. Not really encouraging. But working with my therapist and doing my ERP sessions definitely help. Relationships and Marriage are already confusing and stressful for people without OCD. Having it just adds another layer of frosting to it. I know you care about your person. But you are struggling. Know that no relationship is certain. You can only choose your person today.

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@dp4ever First of all congrats on the engagement! Thank you for the reply. I guess my issue is I can’t figure out what I “want”. If you’re comfortable with responding, and this might be a dumb question lol, but before you proposed, were you confident that they are the person you want to marry, or did you still have doubts about if this is your person but felt like you wanted to progress the relationship? I know that there’s things I worry about in our relationship that I wish were different, I just can’t pinpoint if it’s my OCD that is putting too much weight on those changes I’d like, like I care too much about it, or if it’s genuine worry/desires I have about our current relationship and if I would be happy in a forever marriage with those concerns.

dp4ever

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7h

@Anonymous Thank you! First off kudos to you for being and getting help. I tried breaking up several times with my partner. They noticed though that they came up out of nowhere, when things seemed to be getting fine. They found an article about ROCD and it was TO A TEE what I was thinking. It was crazy. Long story short. I wasnt 100% certain that this is the person I want to marry. I accept this uncertainty. But Im choosing to move forward with marriage because I cant see myself without this person.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

I also get down. I completely avoid relationships because of my OCD. I’m new with my diagnosis so I’m not very far on my journey. Personally my OCD scares me that I’ll ruin any relationship by scaring the other person away. I know our situations are completely different but I think when you ask yourself if you’re staying in the relationship based off of attachment vs your actual respect and admiration towards the other party. When I think of that, it helps me distinguish my “real” feelings vs OCD.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@Anonymous I understand. But even then, I feel like I have a hard time differentiating because I feel attached but also in love. I just feel like some things lack from the relationship which causes stress because I don’t know if it’s just the OCD overthinking/stressing me out and putting too much weight about that “lack”, or if it’s a genuine concern about what I want in a forever partner. Unsure if that makes sense as it’s hard to explain exactly how I feel, but I appreciate the help.

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