pocd, confessing

so I told my bestfriend about my thoughts, it obviously didn’t make me feel better. I feel like a bad person every time I’m around her now. she said that she’s had thoughts too she can just brush them off, but the fact that they’re so bad for me and so frequent it’s hard to be like its OCD even though I am diagnosed. and it’s hard to get better because I feel like i’m just a p.. like therapy won’t for someone who’s actually a p so why am I here.. how am I supposed to know when I have a thought about every kid that I see and it’s been this way for so long? I don’t even know what it’s like to think normally of a kid anymore. i’m jealous of everyone around me.. hearing other people’s stories don’t even make me feel better because I feel like mine is worse and I know this is an OCD thing, but I’m genuinely like so convinced that it’s not.

Havinghope

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

I confessed embarrassing, shameful, and torturous POCD triggered by the minor son of my BEST FRIEND. It was so hard to tell her, but I had to because it was affecting our friendship. She didn’t judge me or think badly of me. She showed me so much grace and understanding. While reassurance seeking is generally not helpful, you absolutely need people in your corner who accept you as you are and know you better than you know yourself. When all those dark, ego-dystonic thoughts try and resurface, remember who you are, remember who God says you are.

Keyara

Date posted: Yesterday

@Havinghope can I ask the thoughts you’ve had?

Havinghope

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@Keyara Yes. I had a thought that I was attracted to her son. False memory OCD convinced me that I “did” something to seduce him, which never happened. I started feeling nervous around him and my best friend to the point that I had to “confess”. It was absolutely irrational, but the thoughts and feelings were so intense that I believed them. Thank goodness my own friend went through the FACTS with me, and confirmed that I had imagined a lot of my own suffering. That’s OCD. It’s not about “liking” anything. It’s about disliking a thought or feeling so much that it taunts you. NO ONE with OCD “likes” their thoughts. God commands us to cast down imaginations and evaluate our thoughts with his loving lens.

fawnables

Date posted: Yesterday

keep venting your feelings, even if it feels like it does nothing, it’s better than keeping it all inside. don’t give up on yourself.

GodsTreasure

Date posted: Yesterday

I see your anguish. It’s Very difficult to like something you desperately don’t want. It’s called a paradox. Peace be with you 🕊️

Keyara

Date posted: Yesterday

@GodsTreasure what does this mean?

GodsTreasure

Date posted: 23h

@Keyara Paradox is like a contradiction. Let’s say I hate animal abuse. Ocd will come up with the most garbage evidence to try and prove that I’m somehow an animal abuser who hates animal abuse. Only one can be true, so which one is it? I know I obviously hate animal abuse and therefore I am not an animal abuser. Ocd will try to turn every little frustration I have with my dog into a “gotcha”, but really it’s just an illusion, not evidence. The point is that you obviously hate even the mere thought of hurting a child, so ocd is gonna try and persecute you into thinking you actually like what you hate. The combination of fear and desire are two very contradictory things. A paradox. An object of fear is something you want to extinguish whereas desire is something you want to see flourish. You /know/ very well you’re not a p, but you just really /feel/ like a p and that’s what’s confusing you, right? Feelings are not to be solely depended on for the truth. Intellect comes first. You know the difference between dreams and nightmares, desires and fears. Hope this helps!

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