Feeling "Off"

Hi friends. It's been a while since I've been on this app. But alas, here we are. I learned a lot the last time I was here and I've beaten this ocd bastard twice on my own, but it has come back and now I just need support. If possible, I would prefer that support from those who are further along on their healing journeys as I am, but I feel newer fighters can learn here too! I love my boyfriend endlessly. He loves me in the soft way I always needed. The demanding way I always craved. He sees every part of me and chose me the same way I chose him. The ruminating started about a week before he moved in. I understand I have some attachment trauma from previous relationships that I need to work on. The first month was a constant spiral. The second month not so much. Good days, bad days, days with just that buzz of anxiety. Days where I feel over the moon in love. Days I feel anxious to be near him and Days I feel like I cant get enough of his touch or kiss or love. The mornings are the worst. When I wake up and feel him and instantly the anxiety is there before I can even cognitively register what is happening. It takes FOREVER to shake that. And the way it warps my thinking just gives me more anxiety. As I am writing this, there is not a doubt in my mind that I love him and want to spend as much time with him as this universe will allow. I want every tomorrow, every one day, every quiet moment in between. But my question and need for support is how to get through the mornings. Or better, how to practice successful ERP before youre even conscious lol. I do what I can of sitting with my thoughts/discomfort/etc. I spend a few extra minutes in bed with him just cuddling and breathing and existing. But it still lasts hours. Is there a step Im missing? Along the same frame of thought, I initiated sexy time the other day (big win I know), but halfway through I had the thought of "What if I am just using him for sex?" And I couldnt shake that either (hard to when there is so much else going on lol). Any help or positive words would be appreciated. I unfortunately cannot afford therapy and this site doesnt take my insurance. So im trying to do the research and ERP on my own.