Do I have OCD or am I just a horrible person

Hi everyone, this is my first time on this app but I wanted to download it to see about OCD because I think I may have it (and I don’t want to be like those self diagnosed people on TikTok who are annoying so if I am please let me know! I have no intentions of being offensive I just want to know what is wrong with me). For preface I am 17 female. I frequently have horrible thoughts. For one example, I think to myself if this thing happens (say I flip a coin) and it does this thing (say it lands on heads) I think to myself that I HAVE to kill myself, or hurt myself, or something bad will happen to my family or loved ones. I don’t think about it on purpose but it just happens and I have an extremely strong sense of needing to do that thing if something happens. I also have really violent disturbing thoughts, and !TRIGGER WARNING!, sometimes these thoughts include torturing my siblings (extremely vividly picturing it), killing people, hurting animals, or sometimes even incest or being a victim of a horrible crime like rape by my family. I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN! I swear I’m not a horrible person (at least I think I’m not) but I think about these things and I WOULDN’T EVEN HURT A FLY, so I don’t even know why I would think of these things. Also I worry sometimes if I’m a pedophile or attracted to animals, WHICH I AM NOT I SWEAR!!! But I always worry and think about it. It haunts me that I’m capable of thinking of such things, and if I can think about it I’m worried that I most certainly can do it. Does anyone have any advice? Does this sound like OCD or am I just a horrible psychopath?! When I hear of OCD, I only hear about the cleaning and organizing, never any of what I think or feel, and it makes me terrified that I’m a horrible person or a sociopath or psychopath (idk if that’s offensive to say if it is I apologize) I apologize for the long post and upsetting content. It’s my first time on here so if I’m doing anything wrong please let me know, I want to be respectful. Also once again, I promise, I would never hurt a fly or act on my heinous thoughts, but they haunt me. Thank you for reading and your time.

Shydog

Date posted: Yesterday

This really sounds like ocd to me- someone once said that OCD tries to convince you that you’re the type of person you most fear or would hate being the most. It tries to convince you that you are against your own values. I know it takes a lot of bravery to open up about this and ask for help- great job for seeking resources. I hope you are able to tell a trusted adult in your life what you are going through (or at least that you are really suffering and feel that ocd is a likely source) so that they can support you and help you get some resources for treatment.

Jazzyhams

Date posted: 21h

@Shydog Hi thanks for the reply!!! These comments are definitely helping me to come out of my comfort zone a little bit and realize that some of these “traits” that I’ve been bothered by and brushing off a lot do sound a bit like ocd. I’m working up the courage to maybe tell my mom and these comments are definitely helping me in my journey. Thank you so much!!!

AllisonRojas

Date posted: Yesterday

Welcome! I’m glad you’re here. I cannot recommend enough that you start listening to the NOCD podcast wherever you listen to podcasts or you can find it on YouTube. I think you’ll find a lot of valuable information there. Also just reading through people’s experiences on here will be helpful. And of course scheduling a call with NOCD is a great way to get assessed for OCD. I found it to be a very comfortable and positive experience. You may not be aware of this if you’re just starting out on your journey, but reassurance-seeking is a major OCD compulsion. This community is very good about not providing reassurance when supporting each other. Know that we care deeply about you, and we’re here to help. I wish you the very best and I hope you find the answers you’re looking for 🩷😊

abbyg@tor

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi, because these thoughts are so distressing to you means that they are completely intrusive in nature. OCD attacks the things you care about a lot. The thoughts can be vivid and gruesome and horrible, but it is definitely OCD. It’s not just cleaning and organizing things. There are soooo many forms people struggle with. What you are experiencing sounds like harm OCD, which I struggle with as well. I hope you are able to get in touch with a therapist so the can help you work through these thoughts. You are not alone and you are not crazy! ❤️

Jazzyhams

Date posted: Yesterday

@abbyg@tor Hello! Thank you so much for your reply! I’ve really been struggling to have the courage to say something about it to my mom to maybe speak with someone but I think it’s embarrassing to have to deal with these types of things but this makes me feel better. Your comment helps me so much, thank you!!! ❤️

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