why am i feeling things i’ve never felt

Hi there! "Feeling things I've never felt"… that really resonates with me. My own OCD can make me completely doubt my own thoughts and even identity sometimes, and it can be just so scary sometimes! >_< Sometimes when I am having a lot of distressing thoughts, I have found it helpful to remember that all thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences are temporary. Like waves on a shore. They rise and they pass. They rise and pass. Rise and pass. When we are in the thick of it, it can be difficult, yes. It's hard to not argue with the thoughts, to not try to do something to make these kinds of experiences go away. Because they are unpleasant! Especially when the experiences we are having are connected to things that are important to us. I know it can be difficult because I've had my own experiences with gender and OCD, too. It can be really scary when it feels like my identity is disintegrating. Yet, I've found that the more I try to make the thoughts go away, the louder they seem to get in my own head. It is when I do the compulsions that I seem to give validation to the obsessions, which although it might give temporary relief, the obsessions flare up again, or even get louder! So I think the trick is to not try to argue with the ocean. To do that is just invite exhaustion. Better to acknowledge these experiences we have as temporary, illusionary, and really, ultimately, that they don't have to mean anything if we don't want them to. They can merely be rising and passing waves. Something to become neutral about. Oh we don't have to like it! We don't have to become comfortable! Because why would we? Obsessions are not likeable! Not one bit! But we can become rather neutral. We can just let these sorts of things… be there. Be here. With us. For s long they need to, and then they pass. The key is to not try to do some kind of mental or behavioral to try to make them go away, because that tends to make them stay around even longer… So anyway, all to say, it sounds like you might experience things somewhat similar to my own experiences… or maybe not (admittedly, I don't know you too well) but the point is you struck a chord with me, and you've made me reflect on my own journey with OCD, and with my dealings with it. I wish you the best, stranger! I hope you can find more peaceful days ahead. Stay strong. Stay well. Remember that you will get through this. These experiences of yours aren't forever, I've every confidence. You'll get through this! You can do this! I believe in you!

I remember when my SO-OCD started I felt like someone switched my brain with someone else. All of a sudden you feel like you are not who you were before. I could not wear the same clothes because I felt too masculine. I couldn’t sit a certain way. I thought that I was going to start dressing like a boy. I never had these thoughts in my life. I had to take time off work because I felt so depressed and scared. I was constantly checking every feeling and thought. I remember I would go to the store and think a girl was pretty and that would send me into a spiral. Now that I’m in a new theme, these thoughts are basically inexistent. Crazy how that works.