ROCD breakup edition

Rantingggg… dealing with hard things that happen in life is hard but it's 10x harder when you have ocd bc you "what if" every possible scenario that can happen and believe that it will happen.. when actually you just don't know if that will happen & you just have to learn to sit w the uncertainty. Currently going through the breakup with with the man who I thought would be the man I married. I can’t begin to explain how meaningful & deep the relationship was. It wasn’t a bad breakup at all, he in fact was with me during my worst ocd moments when I didn’t know how to handle it really & he always was there to help me in anyway he thought was right. Anyway this breakup wasn’t because lack of feelings but more so overwhelm/ life stress/ capacity. I have a million what if thoughts like, it’s been 4 months & he’s told me he doesn’t want a relationship right now, nor does he know if he will want to be with me or someone else (basically saying idk for the future) but to me that sounds like he’s basically saying he’s moving on or he’s thinking abt being with someone else when in reality he’s just saying he doesn’t know what the future holds. Of course I say “what if” he’s over me already, will never come back and try again, what if I was wrong and we aren’t going to get back together ever again, what if he’s already with someone else, WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF. Honestly frustrating and exhausting & I’m so scared all those negative terrifying will come true bc they’re all possibilities. It’s also possible we do get back together and live happily ever after & all good things, but the scary thoughts are easier to believe because my worst fear happened (us breaking up), so why wouldn’t the bad things in thinking happen if this happened and I was scared of it happening while we were together. Having ocd is like dr strange in avengers end game when he's levitating seeing 1 billion scenarios where the avengers lose & only ONE where they win. Spoiler alert: all reality's were a possible but only one will actually happen.Except I have one billion thoughts about what can happen in the future with about him or anything my ocd fixates on &l decide to believe one of the one billion thoughts of possibilities that can happen. & I'm doing that in search for the ONE reality that is true & will happen.. spoiler alert: their is literally no way I can tell the future. This rant was ALOT but I hope it makes sense 😂

Kevin V

Date posted: 11h

So what if maybe he has found someone else, and you two are never going to be together again? Would you be able to live with that? So what if maybe the two of you get back together someday and then have a long, fulfilling relationship together? Would you be able to live with that? There are countless possibilities in the future, and you can really know which one may happen, but you can learn to accept the possibilities, and that you don't know which one will happen. And you don't have to know. Uncertainty is a part of life.

Mia 💌

Date posted: 10h

@Kevin V I know either way I’d be able to handle it logically, but I don’t want to have to handle it. Obviously I have no control over that tho. I just believe more that the bad what if thoughts will happen & don’t really believe the good what if thoughts will happen. To me the bad already happened so why would it work out for me how I hope?

Mija

Date posted: 9h

Makes perfect sense I’m in the same boat with you <\3 the never ending what ifs and hopes and convincing myself these thoughts are reality is so exhausting. Even though I’m living the current annoying cycle, one thing I remember is there was a time before now where I felt like I would never get through a hard emotionally heavy point. Fast forward and here I am proof to myself I was able to get through that past uncertainty! So as frustrating as it is now eventually there will be a point where we’re looking back and things are easier to manage than what we feared before :)

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