Is this normal?

I keep having intrusive thoughts about my sexuality even though I know I’m attracted to boys and I love my boyfriend. My mind gets stuck in loops like “Do I like girls? No, I like boys,” and sometimes I feel like I have to say the opposite thought in my head just to test my reaction. If I accidentally think the wrong word or the thought runs automatically, I panic and feel like it must mean something. I notice heavy chest feelings, lightheaded feelings, weird calm feelings, or less panic than before, and then I overthink that too. I start wondering if not panicking means I secretly agree or if I’m in denial. Even when I know deep down I’m not into girls and just think some girls are pretty or cool, my brain keeps trying to turn it into doubt. Sometimes the thoughts happen during good moments, like when I feel happy with my boyfriend, and it ruins the moment. I’ve even had dreams where I was testing myself. It feels like my brain is constantly checking, repeating, and trying to force certainty, and it’s exhausting. I want help stopping the mental checking, reassurance seeking, and intrusive thought loops because it makes everything feel real even when it doesn’t feel like me.

FiddyK

Date posted: 20h

Yeah that sounds like normal for ocd and anxiety. I had similar thought patterns as well. The checking and the negative thoughts in positive moments can happen in ocd. Try to let the thoughts pass by and don't obsess over them. Also remember that even if you did like girls, that would be fine. It doesn’t mean the love for your boyfriend isn't real or that you don't want to be with him. Next time you have the thought just acknowledge that it existed and shrug your shoulders and say maybe, maybe not but I do know I love my boyfriend.

Arugula

Date posted: 19h

Yep, sounds like a really common case of sexual orientation OCD with rumination as a mental compulsion. Just let the thoughts come and go without treating them as a problem to solve or something to interpret.

Rosick

Date posted: 13h

@Arugula What about the looping thoughts?😢 they never go away

Arugula

Date posted: 12h

@Rosick This is the hardest thing for me, so if anyone has feedback, tag me too. All I know is if I put on the work, it pays off. If I catch myself reassuring myself in my mind I stop. If I start having worrying thoughts I say “not engaging” or “so what, big deal,” then just let them be there. It doesn’t feel like it’s working at first, but unexpectedly I find I get more and more time not thinking about it.

Anon849

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

I would really encourage you to seek ERP therapy if you have the means. Based on your activity in the forums over the past three weeks it seems like you are in a state of immense stress and anxiety. Your posts on here are also a compulsion, and no amount of replies that this does sound like classic sexual orientation OCD is going to give you relief in the long run.

Rosick

Date posted: 13h

@Anon849 I got better last week I didn’t have thoughts or testing myself anymore. And this week it all came back and I know it’s wrong fro me to say I do but it’s like I have to , to make sure and it’s annoying because I don’t want to ball my eyes out and panic about

Sydthesloth

Date posted: 17h

I can relate! Here’s some food for thought, it doesn’t matter. If you like girls or if you like boys or if you do or don’t know that you like girls or boys or whether you can or can’t find out, or if it affects your relationships or if it doesn’t. None of it actually matters, and I am saying that with love. questioning your sexuality is a human thing, babe! is it normal? heck yeah! is the OCD and anxiety normal? That too! You are human. Maybe spend some time with yourself, NOT thinking, but challenging your thoughts and finding the present.

Rosick

Date posted: 13h

@Sydthesloth I got better last week I didn’t have thoughts or testing myself anymore. And this week it all came back and I know it’s wrong fro me to say I do but it’s like I have to , to make sure and it’s annoying because I don’t want to ball my eyes out and panic about it

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