I was giving my baby a bath and had to clean her private and I remember wiping her while OCD was super loud, I was so nervous. I then wiped her slightly with more pressure and my OCD is saying I did that inappropriately. I would never intentionally inappropriately harm my baby. I’m struggling so so bad and can’t relate to anyone. I was very hyper aware during that time. Why would I change the pressure of the wiping?
We can tend to do things maybe slightly more aggressive or fast when we're in a constant state of anxiety or the flight or fight response. I don't want to give you assurance because you know who you truly are but this is the time to understand that OCD is just simply there trying to be accusing and you have to let it just be there until it passes. You are okay 💕
@afriedrick I’m struggling with this so so bad. 😩
@Kristen I know and it's okay. You are NOT alone. If you have an ERP therapist, I recommend reaching out. Also since you are postpartum, maybe reach out to your doctor regarding hormones.
@afriedrick I definitely think I need to get my hormones checked.
You are not alone! I have heard similar stories from a lot of moms with ocd! Your brain is trying really hard to trick you. Hormones make it even worse. You must care so deeply for your baby. It gets better!!
@Zoey98 Thank you. It feels like I’ll never get better.
I have been there, you are not alone. Keep working and know that you can still show up for your baby despite everything going on in your head. Your OCD is a liar and a bully who knows right where to attack where it hurts (targeting the things you care about the most), but you are stronger. You will get through this, just remember to be compassionate and patient with yourself. I hope something in there helped. You are not alone.
@Just-peachy🍑 Thank you so so much for your response. I love my baby so much and would never ever harm her. This is breaking my heart and I’m starting to avoid holding her at times and I’ll have my husband help me with her baths now. I don’t understand. I’ve never dealt with this type of ocd. Makes me so sick.
It’s an evil, evil disorder that doesn’t make any logical sense. It doesn’t have to make sense to feel 100% real... Hang in there mama, try to just sit in the uncertainty even though it’s the last thing you want to do. You can do this💪🏼
OCD is really good at being sneaky and popping up in ways that you would never expect… Especially during big life transitions when you might value something new… it can be a very vulnerable time. I am on my third theme, so just know it’s normal to experience it shifting. Just know you can keep doing things that align with your values (like caring for your baby), even while you’re terrified. I KNOW you can get through these hard things, just be compassionate and patient with yourself and take it one day at a time.
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