Questioning my decisions

The fact that making a call to an eating disorder program has been sitting on my mind for weeks now, even when im not thinking about it. Havent seen my therapist in two weeks, now going on three. I have a support system now (priest, professor, friends) but dont want to reach out to them cos in my head "I dont have a problem" even though my body is telling otherwise. Like yesterday and today I was so in my head about food poisoning and getting sick and being bloated. Sleep has been good but the dreams and vivid overthinking doesnt help. My period is supposed to hit any day or week now but no symptoms really. My mom doesn't believe I need help or have OCD/ARFID. I want to reach out to my old nutritionist or professor to tell them I'm considering hloc but then I tell myself I dont need to do it cos I'm probably just exaggerating....plus my moms own voice....idk...I feel stuck. But I know something has got to change....but then I tell myself that maybe it doesn't have to be this...I can fix this on my own....but its been a year if this same back and forth conversation.....idk

afriedrick

Date posted: 12h

Sounds like you definitely struggle with OCD. I'm glad you have a support system. Definitely start there. Praying for you!

izzy_

Date posted: 11h

I definitely need prayers right now. Please and thank you. It's starting the eat me up again.

afriedrick

Date posted: 11h

@izzy_ I'm praying for you❤️

JeffTheGiraffe

Date posted: 12h

I had a very very rough case of OCD induced ARFID. Recovery at that point isn’t fun. I don’t say this to worry you, just letting you know that the more proactive you are about eating the easier your recovery will be!

izzy_

Date posted: 11h

I'm afraid its getting to that worse spectrum cos my weights been fluctuating between 4 lbs on the lower side for a whole year. My mom's suspicious about my appearance but she's mad about me not doing anything about it myself and that just freaks me out cos then reality hits that this isn't a game. Idk why I treat it like a game. Then I beat myself up about it cos I'm 29 and shouldn't be dealing with this. But these past two days have been a reality check cos ive been non stop questioning the food i eat and checking my food....it lowkey worries me but im terrified of calling but my family getting mad about me reaching out scares me more so I dont do anything about it.

izzy_

Date posted: 11h

Did you end up going to a treatment center for it?

JeffTheGiraffe

Date posted: 10h

@izzy_ I was hospitalized and tube fed but it sounds like I was in a much worse place than you are currently. I would be proactive about eating foods you enjoy. Try to make them nutritional. And if you can, incorporate sodium into your diet so you maintain water weight too. The first think they’re always going to look at is your weight! Also water will help with light headedness you may be feeling

izzy_

Date posted: 8h

@JeffTheGiraffe That is really helpful insight. Thank you!!! Yeah I was gonna get hospitalized last year but I didn't. Yeah I'm trying to gain weight (higher than 90) but its been difficult since I get lazy about it. Idk. I've personally never cared about it. My goal is to gain weight on my own then call but I feel like that's backfiring cos I would really hate to call then find out i gotta get hospitalized or go to residential or something like that.

JeffTheGiraffe

Date posted: 8h

@izzy_ how tall are you if you don’t mind me asking? trying to gage where you’re at with things

izzy_

Date posted: 8h

@JeffTheGiraffe 5'1. Havent weighed myself in about 2 weeks but I was at 90/91 lbs two weeks ago. Bmi is like 16 or 17 I think

JeffTheGiraffe

Date posted: 8h

@izzy_ oh okay lol i was worried there for a second. you’re at an okay weight but try to eat like I said, even if it’s just comfort food. Also, you know whether you have a problem with food, I suggest keeping in touch with someone for support or going for treatment. I’ve learned some stuff over the years that helps me with my ARFID, if you need any guidance i’ll be here. I got nothing else going on lol

izzy_

Date posted: 7h

@JeffTheGiraffe I would appreciate any insight or advice or resources or tools you have

izzy_

Date posted: 7h

@JeffTheGiraffe I should also add that my therapist recommended the iop program for arfid.

simpson578

Date posted: 11h

Praying for you

izzy_

Date posted: 11h

Appreciate it ❣️

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