Anyone else struggle with their intense empathy

Hello! I hope this post doesn’t come across as self involved or annoying lol but I really want to know if anyone else struggles with this. I think I’ve always been a really sensitive person. My therapist says I’m highly sensitive and my ocd just heightens that to the nth degree. I feel like I struggle with extending too much empathy to the wrong people. One of my first memories of this was when I was a kid, about 10 years old. I remember watching a movie which featured a character that wasn’t a good guy, he was a jerk and was clearly meant to be disliked, and at the end of the movie he kind of got punished for all his bad behavior. I remember my mom and older sister would make comments about how he “deserved” what happened to him, and I just couldn’t help but feel bad for him. I remember every time we watched that movie I would spiral in my head about it. I had thoughts like “ He’s mean so why do I feel bad for him? Am I bad like him? Why am I not reacting like how my mom and sister are?”. It got to the point where, every time we watched the movie, I would try not to watch that scene and would just turn my head or think of something else while it was happening. This has been a constant struggle throughout my life, and I feel like ocd has just taken complete hold of it. Today I saw a distressing video. An extremely religious mother denied her child chemo therapy because she believed her child would be healed by the grace of god or something. Obviously, I disagree with her actions, I think that’s an absolutely terrible thing for her to do to her child and I encourage professionals to get involved in the situation to literally save this child’s life. Despite this, idk I still felt a little sad for her? Like there’s a part of me that believes she truly doesn’t want to hurt her child but she is so stuck in her outdated beliefs that it is ironically doing the opposite she’s intending and she’s actively hurting her own child in the process, and that dichotomy just so overtly tragic? It made me think about how religion can completely fail people at times, how it can do the complete opposite of what it intends to, how the very people who use it as a crutch will be the first victims of their own manipulation of it. Now ocd is making me believe that because I feel this way, that must mean I’m a malicious person that would do this to my own children (I’m not a mother btw and definitely won’t be one anytime soon lol). Or I’m somehow excusing this mother’s actions, so that makes me equally as bad of a person as she is. I keep trying to remind myself that what I’m experiencing is ocd, but I constantly go through situations like this everyday of my life. Does anyone else struggle with this specific form of OCD and anxiety thought loops? Or has anyone else experienced this intense sensitivity or empathy for others? Sorry this is such a long post and I hope it made some sense and I just hope someone out there resonates with what I’m saying.

griffinh

Date posted: Yesterday

It’s crazy reading about someone going through the same thing I was 2 hours ago. With all the internet drama going around recently I found myself feeling bad for some pretty awful people and my mind kept telling me since I “defended” them in my head that means I’m just as bad as them. I’ve lost sleep freaking out over what it means about me as well, but I hope it’s not effecting you too bad. I totally relate to this tho and I hope you’re doing well.

Yazzyjazz

Date posted: Yesterday

@griffinh I’m so glad this resonated. I’ve dealt with these types of thoughts for what felt like my whole life. It has always felt so isolating, as if I was the only person on earth with these thoughts. The internet has been one of my biggest triggers as well, especially because nuance doesn’t seem to flourish well with the algorithm. Knowing I’m not alone makes it hurt less, but I’m sad we still have to experience it lol. I’m sorry you’re going through this as well, I hope knowing you’re not alone brings you some relief. OCD therapy has definitely helped me react differently to my thoughts, but they never go away so it’s a constant battle to keep fighting it. 🩷

E.Y.E.93

Date posted: Yesterday

I believe the hardest part about feelings of empathy is preventing these feelings to shatter our sense of self. We might be able to feel empathy for people doing horrible things or people who are truly horrible, but that doesn’t mean that we ourselves own the mistakes others make or adopt who they are as people. I’m not sure of the origin of this aspect of ourselves, but I think we need to be very careful to refrain from judgement. I think a part of empathy is knowing that each person is human and regardless of their actions something led them to be that way. I don’t know if this makes sense but my hope is you know you’re not alone in these feelings. Again, I would mainly challenge you to do your best to be graceful with yourself and refrain from judging yourself for these feelings.

Yazzyjazz

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Thank you for this. Yes, this is something I often bring up to my therapist. She describes it as letting go of what is not truly mine, if that makes sense. So if I’m feeling really impacted by something someone else did that I had no involvement in whatsoever, I allow myself to feel the feelings but eventually let them go, because they are not mine. It’s always a great reminder to extend the abundance of empathy we give to others towards ourselves as well, especially with ocd which makes it doubly hard.

Raven_

Date posted: 22h

I definitely had an issue of over empathizing. To the point where I would get consumed with other people’s issues. I do a lot of work in peer support and that was the hardest habit to break. But it can definitely be a good and bad thing. With peer support it’s important to be able to fully understand and empathize with people. But it’s easy to get overwhelmed when carrying their weight and your own. I don’t think it’s wrong to empathize with people who may not be doing the best things. Especially when we all have disturbing thoughts with our OCD. We know how hard it is to manage the human experience. There’s a book called “No Bad Parts” by Richard Schwartz. It’s a field guide for Internal Family System therapy. He’s an old man now so the book isn’t the most thrilling of reads. But IFS therapy dives deep into an understanding of the bad “parts” in people.

Yazzyjazz

Date posted: 14h

@Raven_ Thank you for your insights! I definitely resonate with getting overwhelmed with other people’s emotions, and taking them on as if they are my own. It’s comforting to know I am not alone in my feelings though! I definitely, especially after looking into it, want to read “No Bad Parts”, it sounds like a very enlightening read, thanks for the suggestion!

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